Los Cuatro Ojos

The Limo You DON’T Want To Rent For Your Kid’s Prom…

I’d Definitely Rent This Limo!!!

They’ll Make A Limo Out Of Anything These Days…

I’m Pretty Sure My Brother Was Driving This Stranded Limo…

Home Made Limousine…

See More HERE

Happy 20th Birthday To Number One Son!

Dear Number One Son,

We can’t believe how quickly time has flown and how incredible you are. It has been 240 months since you appeared on the scene. Although you refused to show up on New Years Day… You caused us to sit in the hospital for 18 hours starting on New Years Eve… (“Happy New Years Sweetheart… Have an ice chip!”)… But You were a beautiful baby, despite the horrible photo taken of you in the hospital – the photo we didn’t mail to family with your birth announcements because we didn’t want to worry them or prompt them to obtain unnecessary genetic testing.

It did concern us that your sole focus during most of your childhood seemed to be food. You demanded cereal in your bottles at only six weeks. (Or at least that’s when we caught on. You’ll have to forgive the delay, we were horribly sleep deprived what with not having slept AT ALL for, oh, about SIX WEEKS.)

When you were two and leaned against the space heater and branded yourself … Your mother thought you were retarded because you didn’t cry. I, on the other hand thought I’d given rise to a young superhero. Your uncles sure treated you like a superhero though. Thanks to your uncle the Limo driver… You showed up to day care and kindergarten in a stretch limousine more often than not.

Even though you got held back in kindergarten (“Whaaa!”)… You eventually tested out to the “gifted” level… (Whew!)… But not until we found out you needed coke bottle glasses.

We thought you’d have a weak stomach due to the fact that you threw up in almost every decent restaurant in town before you were seven. The fact that you came over and doctored up my pot of chili to 3 alarm status a couple of days ago disproves that theory.

You were such a great little kid. So goofy and silly, and so much fun to be with. You still have a wonderful sense of humor and I love how you can make us all laugh. You have always been a joy to be around, except for a few times, a lot of times between grades 8 and 12.

You weren’t so much fun during your last year of high school especially… But you proved me wrong and handed me the diploma with a sly grin on your face. (You still think we don’t know about the bet you had with you best bud about who could graduate dead last in your class!)

But… this last year has been a joy. It took us a little (long) while to figure out why you wouldn’t go to the State University that had accepted you without reservation on the strength of your SAT scores alone… But you played to your strengths and signed up for community college so you could work. After all… How many 18 year olds get to be full fledged IT managers right out of high school?

We argued when you turned 18 and you moved out. Your mom wanted to kill me and we waited up lots of nights to see if it would be police or ambulance that showed up with the bad news… (Well… I wanted to sleep)… but if mama’s not happy … No one is happy. But no cops… No coroners and you’ve never showed up on the doorstep with a sob story. So… What’s a few gray hairs between pals, right?

You have grown up to be a terrific young man and it has been a pleasure watching you transform from cute-as-a-button baby to sweet toddler to adorable little boy to surly teen to surly slacker and now, to a mature and impressive guy. We have loved you SO FREAKING MUCH at every age and stage. You’re the best.

Happy Birthday, Bub!

We love you more than you will ever know.

Mom & Dad

The Birthday Calculator

What Your Name Means Database

The Difference Between Men And Women…

A Woman’s Perfect Day

8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 – Weigh-in… 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 – 9:00 – Breakfast in bed…freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents… expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 – Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 – Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer

10:30 – Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 – Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café

12:45 – Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 – Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 – Nap

4:00 – Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 – Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 – Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 – Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 – Hot shower- alone

10:50 – Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 – Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 – Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

A Man’s Perfect Day

6:00 – Alarm

6:15 – Blow job

6:30 – Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 – Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 – Limo arrives

7:45  – Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 – Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 -  Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club… (blow job en-route)

9:45 – Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 – Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon

12:15 - Blow job

12:30 – Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 - Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 – Fly to Bahamas

3:30 – Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot

4:30 – Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 – Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson

6:45 – Shit, shower and shave

7:00 – Watch news… Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 – Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:30 -  Sex with three women… all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 – Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 – Night-cap blow job

11:45 – In bed alone

11:50 -  A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 – Laugh yourself to sleep

1970′s Fashions… Did You Have Any Of This Stuff?… I Did!

See More HERE 

If You Ever Deal With The Opposite Sex… Then You Need To Read This…

A married couple was in a car when the wife turned to her husband and asked, “Would you like to stop for a coffee?”

“No, thanks,” he answered truthfully. So they didn’t stop.

The result? The wife, who had indeed wanted to stop, became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. The husband, seeing his wife was angry, became frustrated. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted?

Unfortunately, he failed to see that his wife was asking the question not to get an instant decision, but to begin a negotiation. And the woman didn’t realize that when her husband said no, he was just expressing his preference, not making a ruling. When a man and woman interpret the same interchange in such conflicting ways, it’s no wonder they can find themselves leveling angry charges of selfishness and obstinacy at each other.

READ MORE