AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE WOMEN ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO […]
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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A […]
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The Old FourEyes Has Just Found His New Theme Song….
CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING […]
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil … Satan: ‘Why so glum?’ Guy: ‘What do you think? I’m in hell!’ Satan: ‘Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?’ […]
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