Los Cuatro Ojos
Some Days You’re The Dog… Some Days You’re The Hydrant.
The Test…
Four college friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas
and party with some friends up there. They had a
great time. However, after all the partying, they slept
all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Austin until
early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find
their professor after the final and explain to him why
they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the
weekend with the plan to come back and study but,
unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back,
didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long
time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could
make up the final the following day. The guys were
elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the
time the professor had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet,
and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was
something simple about free radical formation. “Cool,”
they thought at the same time, each one in his
separate room. “This is going to be easy.”
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On
the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
And That’s How The Fight Started Officer!!…
1) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. So, I took her to a gas station….. And that’s how the fight started…
2) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver haired chest. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’. …And that’s how the fight started…
3) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
4) I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
Happy Birthday Wife!!
Years Ago I Gave You This For Your Birthdays…
Now I Give You This…
But I’m Working On It…
Hey Ket!!
… Happy Birthday Sweetie!!!
Sometimes You Just Have To Face Up To The Issues…
- Everyone says I’ll feel better for it… So Here Goes…
- Ya know… That really does feel good!!
That Felt So Good I’m Gonna Go One Step Further…
- I Feel Better Already!!
Your Day Could Be Worse…
The next time you’re having a bad day, imagine this: You’re a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay. You’re not. …
He has a date coming over tonight.
You only have one ass.
Feel better?
Dollar Origami…
These Fantastic Origami Creations Are By Wan Park…
Koi
Tank
Penguin
Dragon
Camera
Crab
Bat
Shark
Jacket
Toilet
Spider
Scorpion
Butterfly
Gibraltar Has One Of The Strangest Airports… You Have To Cross The Runway To Get From One Side Of The Island To The Other.
Gibraltar's Airport Runway Is Intersected By A Main Road.
Looks Like The Road Is A Main Drag Across The Island.
A Red Light You Don't Want To Run.
British Air Gets The Right Of Way...
Traffic Jam Due To A 737 Crossing The Road.
This Road Seriously Cuts Acroos The Runway!
Notice The Military Jets?
Head-On Collision With A School Bus Caught On Tape…
On Tuesday, September 22, 2009 at 6:13am, Arizona Department of Public Safety officers responded to a head-on collision involving a school bus that was traveling eastbound on State Route 86/Ajo Road west of Tucson, and a black four door passenger car. The exact cause of this collision is still under investigation. Two males and one female riding in the passenger car were deceased on scene.
Get Rid Of Five Things For The Better…
List five things you need to empty, delete, trash or recycle from your life to make yourself useful again.
At SoulPancake
The Bugatti Veyron 16.4 – $1.4M Worth Of Automotive Whup-Ass
This car has a 1000 horsepower 16 cylinder engine and goes from zero to sixty in less than two seconds. It’s brakes will bring you to a complete stop in less time than that. It’s top speed is 253 mph. It’s interior is done up in leather from cows raised so high up in the Swiss Alps that there are no bugs to bite or sting the cows… This leaves the skins pristine. There will only be 300 made and 200 are already gone. Bugatti will be happy to take your deposit… That is if you’re a previous customer… And you don’t mind the car having over 250 test miles on it when you take delivery.
Michael J. Jackson… Superstar… R.I.P.
If you are between 20 and 60 years old… Michael Jackson’s music very probably plays a big part of the soundtrack of your life. From “ABC” to “Ben”… From “I’ll Be There” to … “Pretty Young Thing”… From “Billie Jean” to “Bad“… When you heard his music… You knew that you just had to “Shake Your Body Down To The Ground”.
He sang about “Human Nature” and the “Man In The Mirror”… And when he asked us to just “Leave Me Alone”… We didn’t. We couldn’t. He was the guy who let us know that “We Are The World” and that “Ebony and Ivory” could overcome the problems between “Black or White”.
Michael’s music can make you “Remember the Time” you felt “Invincible”…
Michael Jackson was “Off The Wall”… And now he’s “Gone Too Soon”.
Internet Myth… Mars Comes Close To Earth On 9/27/09…
On August 27 2009 Mars is due to come as close to Earth as the Moon. Apparently the next time it will come this close will be in 2287 and the last time it did was over 5000 years ago. Astronomers have been quick to point out that this is completely untrue, and say that the closest thing to this spectacle actually came and went in 2003. This is a relief as other tale tellers say that if Mars were to come as close to the Earth as the Moon it would wreak havoc with the tidal pulls and we could end up with storms and tsunamis.
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