Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
James Lee (Jim) Siemers quietly slipped from this life into eternity on July, 9th 2010 after a valiant battle with cancer…
Jim was a shipfitter. Jim was one of the few people on planet earth that can make thousands and thousands of tons of steel float and then go 40mph. And nobody, but nobody, did it better.
In his professional life… Jim was sometimes known as “Master Yoda.” And like the Jedi Master… Jim was humble yet quietly confident about his skills. But let there be no doubt… Shipbuilders up and down the West Coast knew him and respected and admired his skills. Jim built and worked on every kind of ship imaginable - Tankers, Tugs and Tuna boats… Aircraft Carriers, Submarines and Coast Guard Cutters. It didn’t matter to him… He loved them all. If it floats and is made of steel… Jim Siemers has very probably got one out on the water with his initials welded into it.
When Jim wasn’t fashioning a ship of some kind… He was working on a car or a motorcycle. His Ranchero and his Trike were projects that he tinkered on for years and years. Jim also had a pretty good reputation as a carpenter… When I met Jim… I thought I was a pretty hotshot Shipfitter myself… I was a babe in the woods compared to this guy. In the almost 10 years that we built ships together… The man constantly amazed me. What’s more… He constantly taught me… And he kept on teaching me for another 20 years.
via The Consumerist
This sandwich can only be created during the short change over from the breakfast to lunch menu at your local Mickey D’s. It’s a fusion of two sandwiches, so it’s not technically a McDonald’s menu item, but it’s still pretty tasty and worth the trouble.
We hear it’s getting kind of a cult following in San Francisco.
1. Go to McD’s right when they are transitioning from breakfast to lunch.
2. Order one of the remaining Egg McMuffins from the breakfast menu and also order a McDouble since the lunch menu is now open.
3. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble.
It’s called a Mc10:35 because that’s pretty much the only time you can pull this off.
Word is… They’re really good when one is dealing with a hangover…
If you’ve ever had a good egg burger… You’ll understand how delicious these things can be… Can’t speak on the curing hangovers thing… But there’s a good chance it’ll relieve you of a bit of life span… Enjoy!
Four college friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas
and party with some friends up there. They had a
great time. However, after all the partying, they slept
all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Austin until
early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find
their professor after the final and explain to him why
they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the
weekend with the plan to come back and study but,
unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back,
didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long
time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could
make up the final the following day. The guys were
elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the
time the professor had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet,
and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was
something simple about free radical formation. “Cool,”
they thought at the same time, each one in his
separate room. “This is going to be easy.”
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On
the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
1) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. So, I took her to a gas station….. And that’s how the fight started…
2) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver haired chest. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’. …And that’s how the fight started…
3) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
4) I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
The next time you’re having a bad day, imagine this: You’re a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay. You’re not. …
He has a date coming over tonight.
You only have one ass.
Feel better?