10 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep…

  1. Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
  2. Gain weight… at least 40 pounds. Didn’t your mom always say you were bit skinny.
  3. Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
  4. Watch more TV. It’s very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed over the years.
  5. Draw up a list of people who were nasty to you in the past year… Then get back at them in the next year!
  6. Drink more… Wasn’t it Benjamin Franklin who said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.
  7. Eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.
  8. Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make you a dull boy or girl.
  9. Play more computer games. Scientists say they’re good for you and improve your visual skills. But you always knew that.
  10. Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking – it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.

Reading The Next Story Will Make You Feel Like This…

Russian Professor Predicts End of U.S. – Says That America Will Collapse And Disintegrate Through Civil War In 2010

USA To Break Up Into Six Separate Territories … China To Take Over California… Mexico To Take Over Texas Areas. – Igor Panarin

Map Via

Igor Panarin… A Russian professor who used to work for the KGB and who is being compared to the man who correctly predicted the breakup of the Soviet Union 15 years before it happened… Has been talking about the break up of the USA through bankruptcy and possible civil war by the spring of 2010.

He’s been saying the same thing for 10 years now.

And people are listening. Lots of people. And it looks like the professor has some hard figures to back up his assertions… Namely the $11 trillion in foreign debt that’s beating the USA’s economy into submission.

Professor Panarin says that the accelerating collapse of the U.S. job, credit and housing sectors will combine with the years long loss of the USA’s ability to manufacture its own needs will result in the richer states refusing to pay into the federal government in order to save their own economy’s. This will result in de facto secessions from the union. Read more »

Every Bar Should Have This Menu…

I’ve Always Dreamed Of Growing Up To Be An Artistic Pervert…

This Polar Bear Means To Make A Meal Of This Poor Guy!

See if he gets away clean HERE

I Know Several Kids Whose Xmas Lists Would Have This Kind Of Slant…

Here’s A “Great” Idea… Scientists Give Bees Cocaine To See How They React… Damn!

Talk about your “Class Bee” Felony!

We have Africanized Killer Bees where I live… They’re bad enough without being made into crackheads!

For Crying Out Loud! What Kind Of “Scientists” Are These?!? Is this just a slick way to procure some coke on the cheap?

A honey bee is given cocaine solution as scientists attempt to study how their brain reacts to the drug

A honey bee is given cocaine solution as scientists attempt to study how their brain reacts to the drug

“Uh Yeah… Procurement?… We need another kilo of high grade cocaine down at the Bee Lab… We need to test another hive.”

Read All About It HERE and HERE

Out Of The Pencils Of Babes…

Got Snow?.. Make A Few Bucks…

When You Gotta Mow… You Gotta Mow!

The Perfect Pendant And Earrings…

Luna Parc’s Enema Bags are crafted in a novel combination of Bronze, Sterling Silver and Copper.

Get Yours HERE

This Is What Happens When You’ve Got Bad Karma…

Hit The Jeremiah Weed A Bit Hard Last Night…

Play Wal-Mart Bingo!.. Print ‘Em Up!.. Keep ‘Em In Your Car!

Click to enlarge…

Flying Spaghetti Monster Holiday Lights…

A Statement On Traditional Marriage…

I seem to remember lots of this stuff quoted in the Bible…

The Day After After Xmas …

I’m Not Into Tattoos.. But This Is A Nice One!

Sadly… I’m Learning More And More About The Spirit Being Willing But The Flesh Being Weak.

But Maybe He’s Just Got A Real Nice Personality…

My Daughter Only Wanted A Pony For Xmas…

As A Head Scratcher…This Joke Really Counts!

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn’’t eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn’’t sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks; and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.

So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn’’t eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.

The next day the headlines read:


Anagrams For Everybody…

DORMITORY:When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER

PRESBYTERIAN:When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:! When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters: LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Merry Christmas To All Of The Very Fine Folks Who Visit Los Cuatro Ojos!

santa poop

And Then THIS Guy Comes To Your House….

evil santa

Or maybe THIS Santa!!

And depending on your outlook… THIS GUY might show up …

santa queer

But Any Way You Put It… I’m Glad That We’ve Only Gotta Deal With

THIS Doggone Santa