Insults For Men Everywhere…

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don’t have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don’t know…..it’s never happened)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)

9. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?’
‘It depends,’ I replied. ‘What does it say on your shirt?’
He yelled back, ‘ University of Oklahoma ..’

And they say blondes are dumb…
———————————————–

10. A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.’
The woman replies, ‘I’ll miss you…’

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11. ‘It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,’ Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, ‘honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?’
‘Probably that I married you for your money,’ she replied.

———————————————–

12. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

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13. Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.
AMEN

———————————————————————————————————————————  14. Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
—– ——————————————

15. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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16. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e- mail?
A: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual.’

Beat Me! Whip Me! Make Me Write Bad Checks!

Cat Likes Being Beat… Comes Back For More…

Going To The Hospital… See You Later… Hopefully!

Having some chest pains and the BP is 199/117… Doc says take my butt to the ER asap…

I don’t suspect my number is up yet… But I may not be able to get any posts up on time …

Sooo… If I don’t die… I’ll be back posting nonsense pretty quick.

See You Soon.

TheFourEyes

Back Soon

3 Year Old Tosses Family Savings Out 17th Floor Window…

flying money

baby money

A Chinese couple are distraught after their three year old daughter threw their savings out of the window of their 17th floor flat.

The little girl threw the equivalent of $1300 out of the window of their rented apartment in Shenzen while her parents were asleep.

“When I woke up, she wasn’t beside me, and my purse was on the bed, open, and with a thick wad of money missing,” said the mother, Mrs. Huang.

Mrs Huang says she immediately asked her daughter what had happened, but the girl said she didn’t know.

“I looked everywhere, then I noticed there were two notes on the windowsill, and another two on the window sill one floor down,” she added.

The owner of a restaurant on the first floor of the building told her that money had been raining down on to the street, and that passers-by had gone crazy trying to catch it.

Mrs Huang said she spent the whole day in tears as $800 of the money had belonged to other people.

“We’re now hoping for magic, and that the people with our money will bring it back,” she said.

The parents have now installed wire mesh on all of their windows, reports Southern Metropolis News.

Looks Like Sombody Tried To Cross A Tomato With A Cow…

tomato cow

What?!?.. You Think I Can’t See What You’re Up To?!?

fly eyes

Mad Cabbie Is Speaking His Mind…

When the story of the disgraced New York’s ex governor Eliot Spitzer broke I wasn’t surprised at all. It’s not that I knew about his rendezvous with high priced hookers, but it’s due to my long experience of driving hookers to men with and without power. Let me break it down for you ladies, if you have been together with your man for over ten years or so there is a 99% chance that your hubby had cheated on you, the other 1% lied their asses off. You need to be equipped with a dick to understand this concept. So the relationship between married clean cut powerful men and hookers, high priced or otherwise is a no shocking matter.

It seems that this all comes down to…

THE URGE TO EJACULATE.

Read More HERE at Diary Of A Mad DC Cabbie

Fight For Kisses… Hilarious!

Fuk Luk Sau: Health,Wealth,Happiness

Fuk Luk Sau

Fuk Luk Sau, commonly referred to as the Gods of Blessings, Prosperity and Longevity are one of the most popular gods/deities in Chinese history. There are countless legends of the Fuk Luk Sau aiding and bestowing kindness on worthy mortals throughout the lands. Technically, they were originally astrological stars (hence the original name of Fuk Luk Sau were the Three Star Gods) which showed the traditional culture of the Chinese people who long for: happiness, prosperity and longevity.

Fuk is the deity of wealth and prosperity. He is represented wearing a red robe and his place is on the right of Luk. Fuk would help you improving your income and being wealthy, as well as it would attract prosperity for all those who live in the house or space where it is placed.

The deity named Sau symbolizes longevity and is represented carrying nectar in a bottle. Luk is the deity which stands in the center and symbolizes power and authority. Together, Fuk, Luk and Sau are a very strong power which attracts wealth, health and prosperity all together.

There are some feng shui guidelines that tell what the best place for Fuk Luk Sau to be is. According to those guidelines, Fuk Luk Sau should be placed at the dinning room or the living room. Besides, it is important that they are placed on a high table, never on a low one. They are also ideal to be placed at a person’s back, giving protection and support. This is ideal, for example, for placing them in the car at the back window, since it would bring you security and protection while driving.

Any Job Can Be Fun… It’s All In How You Look At It…

whistle while you work

Two Sides Of The Same Coin…

click to enlarge

terrorist

Alf Is Eating Barbecued Rat In Thailand… Yum!

Our Friends Alf and Watcharee are on the move in Thailand and stopped off to pick up a snack of BBQ ribs and rat… Looks like a really nice feast!

fried rat

fried rat1

See More At CorkScrew-Balloon

Count Yourself Lucky To Have One GOOD Friend…

A Motto To Live By…

A friend will help you move… Your best friend will help you move a body.

Friend best Friend

Is This What An Anorexic Sees?

When I Posted These Pics… I Wondered What That Lady’s View Of Herself Was… Now I Know…

anorexic view

Just Another Part Of A Really Crappy Day…

golden gate out of order

Do I Wany My Bull’s Penis Fried Or Boiled?

fried bulls penis

How To Prepare For An Unexpected Earthquake…

From eHow.com

Think about it. Could you have an earthquake where you live? I lived in California for about 10 years and have been through some. Then our family moved to Iowa and I thought we were safe from earthquakes. Wrong! We’ve had a couple here too. Who would have thought. No matter where you live there can be an unexpected earthquake. An earthquake can happen either day or night. There are things you can do now to prepare for an earthquake. The steps here may help you get prepared for that unexpected earthquake.

Read More HERE

Yellow Dog Dances… Break Dances That Is…


Yellow Dog Mascot Has Awesome Moves – Watch more free videos

I See Scissors (Maybe)… What Do Your Degenerate Eyes See?

scissors

It Ain’t Gonna Fit…

This Is A Strange Type Of AAA …

russian tow truck

Handy Tips To Solve Any Problem… From Arnie In TX.

1.  boiling water If you’re choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2.  finger  Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. toilet  Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using  the sink.
4. bleed  For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins… Remember to use a timer.

5. mouse trap  A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. laxative  If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you’ll be afraid to cough.

7. duct tape  You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t  move and should, use the WD-40… If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
8. hammer  If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

How’s She Gonna Explain This Case Of Frostbite…

frostbite

Meet Draco…One Big Mean Mother Of An RV…


Check Out More On Draco HERE

Here’s Another Nasty Class RV…Check Out Casa Azul…

An Upholstered Car… Why?!?

What happens when it rains?

And why in the hell would somebody pick this nasty color?!?

carpet car