Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth? – anon
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? – Unknown
Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull? – anonymous
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? - anon
Durum prices up 300% since last year
FARGO — The price of durum, a wheat variety used in pasta, has skyrocketed to more than $12 per bushel at North Dakota elevators — a jump farmers say is overdue.
North Dakota produces about 60 percent of the country’s durum, with this year’s state crop estimated at around 44 million bushels. A year ago, durum prices were around $4.20 per bushel.
Agriculture marketing and commodity groups say the prices are rising due to poor crops in Europe and a wet spring that hurt North Dakota durum yields.
Mamma mia! The price of a plate of pasta is expected to rise 20 percent this summer as a bad wheat harvest and increasing competition from biofuel manufacturers send the price of delicate, delicious durum wheat skyrocketing.
Italy’s famous macaroni makers are the latest to find themselves at the wrong end of competition from the booming biofuel industry, which converts corn, sugar, wheat and other crops to fuel and energy. As biofuels catch on, governments are increasing subsidies. Farmers are finding themselves in an unfamiliar position: a seller’s market. Courted by food manufacturers and energy firms alike, they’re raising prices and shifting production to crops that can be used to make ethanol for cars, heat homes or generate electricity. (READ MORE)
Young adults ages 18 to 24 pay more than $3 in fees for every $1 their account is overdrawn.
They are particularly susceptible to such charges because of their widespread use of debit cards for even small transactions, concludes a study issued today by the Center for Responsible Lending, a nonprofit group based in Durham.
“Abusive overdraft practices by banks are stripping funds from the checking accounts of young adults,” the report concludes. “Many students and young workers find themselves owing hundreds of dollars in fees before they even realize they have overdrawn their accounts.”
At least 100 colleges nationwide contribute to the problem by forming partnerships with banks, the study contends. READ MORE
After pitching a fit …I got my host provider to put LCO back up from their backup system… Looks like i lost all posts for Sept 28th… But I’m ok with that.
Got to dig around… looks like theres some damage to files. The template had to be changed also… This isn’t my first choice for a look… But at least it works!!
If things don’t look right for a bit… Please be patient.
AND ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR STUFF!!!!!
Subject: T-G-I-F vs S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H -I-T.”
She looked puzzled, and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F.”
The man smiled back to her and once again, “S-H-I-T.”
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, ‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday’… Get it duuhhh?”
The man answered, “‘S-H-I-T’ means “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”
I was intrigued… But I did some research and saved myself some money and aggravation… So Forget my earlier post.
Taken from the introduction to Crazy English: The Ultimate Joy Ride Through Our Language, by Richard Lederer.
English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world’s books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages,it has the largest vocabulary – perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Copyright © Richard Lederer.
Thought you all would like to see this… Just amazing… This was sent by a man in Rhinelander, Wisconsin… A once in many lifetimes experience! ? A real Albino Whitetail Deer. Just hours old, but doing fine. No Momma deer around… A car had nearly hit it. Such a ‘freak of nature’, that only 1 in more than a million are even born. He took his
bottle of food, followed us around the house, doing great… So, we called the Zoo & Fossil Rim, who were both interested, but we’re going to send him to a Rehab farm. Maybe he will make it in captivity somewhere and be appreciated. So rare… Sure wanted
to keep him tho. but, not the thing to do. And not LEGAL either. Here are a couple of pictures to show you. He was snow white, pink eyes, ears, nose and hooves. Kids called him POWDER. He was SO small… That is my shoe lying beside him… a lot of folks have never and will probably never see even another picture of an Albino deer fawn.
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver’s door.
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and
disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life .”
“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!”
“OH, MY GOD!” screamed the lawyer.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day… While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna ‘s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news.” The good news is you’re being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.Ã‚Â The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him… I am so sorry,… but he’s dead.”
Edna replied… “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”
How soon can I go home?”
Don’t be ignorant all your life, take a day off why don’t you? – unknown
You look like you just escaped from planet of the apes. – anon
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?- Anonymous
If brains were wind, you would not have enough to blow your nose. – unknown
Besides this little labor of love… I also run a family website that details not only current family info… But chronicles all the way back to 1772.
Included on the site are links to the family database on genealogy.com as well as .pdf files from Family Tree Maker showing relationships all the way back to the oldest known members… Yadda …Yadda.
Now… there are always emails coming in with corrections, deaths, births…The usual.
My cousin Linda (God Bless Her!) handles the master database… She inherited it from our cousin Ted who kept everything in box after box of scrolls made up of taped together 8.5″ x 11″ sheets… some of which are 20 feet long. She incorporates changes and occasionally emails or snail mails this massive file to re-upload. Needless to say… Changes don’t happen on a fast or furious pace.
But occasionally… some beloved relative (remember…I love ‘em all) will take offense that some name or date doesn’t match their recollection.. .And then… And Then…
Emails, phone calls, letters and threats! Now.. There’s nearly 1200 individuals and 230 last names and 10 generations in this database… To give you an idea on how well we all know one another… you should see how many people can trace their ancestry back to the same founders on both sides of the family… Lots of kissin cuzzins! Point being… Nobody knows everybody… So when it comes to the database… Do ya think there might be the occasional slip up?
One of my 3rd cousins once removed got offended that neither I nor Linda knew that she was adopted and that we hadn’t incorporated that info into the database.. And to add further insult to her injury… We had neglected to put in her and her siblings middle and married names into the family tree correctly and that she was going to one of the family matriarchs to complain that we (Linda & I) shouldn’t have say so as to who’s info gets added or corrected or whatever. The lady was seriously indignant.
Now… did I mention that the database and the website are created maintained and paid for out of our own pockets and are done during time carved out of lives that are complicated all by themselves? Did my dear cousin just once stop to think of the old addage… “You can pick your friends.. But you’re stuck with family?” We don’t care! You send me a note saying you’re related… eventually you end up on the family tree… No DNA test… No criminal background check… nothing…You got ebola… No worries! …Axe murderer?… Cool!.. Hey… you’re family!
But… Beware… We might misspell your middle name… That is if we put one in at all.Ã‚Â And we’ll cruelly post it on the web for all to see!.. Imagine! There’s your pedigree going all the way back to 1770 something … showing that you are your own cousin as well as your moms cousin… and you are irked because your middle name was ommited.
Now …This latest issue comes from this 3 rd cousin once removed who writes like we have lunch twice a week and are godparents to each others kids… She is in the database correctly as far as her birth name and pedigree is concerned… And I did point out to her that she is related to herself a couple of different ways… But I wouldn’t know this lady if she ran me over…. In fact … According to the database… We are pretty close in age… Sooo… she may even have been one of the “victims” of my youth! (Youthful ardor knows no bounds!)
But no matter… Dear cuzzin… I have corrected your middle name… Took me two hours to get the databases synced… Not much I can do about you being your own cousin though… At least before you could claim some level of doubt when folks snicker and point.
Classic case of “be careful what you ask for”…
One of These is PhotoShopped… The Other One… Well…
And… A Little Something You Don’t Hear Every Day…
Call me a conspiracy nut if you want to… But I’ll believe until the last dog dies that we Americans get ourselves bamboozled and bullshi**ed into looking left when we should be looking right every time the powers that be have something they don’t want us getting riled up about.
As I’ve ranted about before… Smoke and Mirrors and our 30 second attention spans are used to our detriment and in my not so humble opinon will be the cause of the fall of the American Empire.
At least this time it’s not that wretched beast Ann Coulter… Did you notice that they didn’t let her out of her cage to rant about the Republican senator trying to link up for a little of what she accused John Edwards of being. And to my point… When she gets trotted out… I get distracted… Attack Iran!.. I Don’t Care!!!.. Ann Coulter’s talking! … Gas at $3.59 a gallon… I Don’t Care!!!… Let’s Hate Annie!.. I’m serious… This smoke and mirrors, let’s keep ‘em distracted business works like a charm!
Oil hit $80 a barrel for the first time this past week… What’d we get… OJ! What will we get? $4 gasoline for Thanksgiving. Did I mention the “tropical storm” that “suddenly turned into a hurricane and whacked the refinery coast of Texas last week also?… That was the start as far as I could see… It got worse from there.
Israel invaded Syrian airspace unprovoked and dropped “ordinance” and left… The Middle East shivered… We got OJ!
Please note as you click the links I’ve provided that the stories pointed out are largely in obscure publications… What was CNN, FOX, MSNBC, etc giving us?… OJ!.. all day all the time.
Even scarier… Our “Fearless Leader” and his minion George is seriously planning to follow up on some insane idea that Armageddon is preordained and that they must play a part in bringing it about by attacking Iran. Of course… Between OJ and Brittney… We’ll all be caught unawares and be too embarrassed to bring it up… Kind of like the emperor’s new clothes… Nobody wanted to look foolish first.
Are we so jaded that we really are like the Romans at the end of the empire? A few parallels…
Even though I don’t expect to reach 100… I fully expect to live to see a massive, massive decline in the power and prestige of the good ‘ol U.S of A… A nation of idiots with nukes. An idiocracy that won’t even have the brainpower to wonder when the end really happened… But…
We’ll always have OJ.