May
25
2009
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May
21
2009
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, ‘Excuse me sir, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don’t know where I am.’
The man below replied, ‘You’re in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.’
‘You must be an engineer,’ said the lady balloonist.
‘I am’, replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well, answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is
technically correct, but I’ve no idea what
to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost.
Frankly, you’ve not been much help to
me at all. If anything you’ve delayed my trip even more.’
The man below responded, ‘You must be in management.’
‘I am,’ replied the lady balloonist, ‘but, how did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going.
You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air within.
You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and
you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems.’
May
20
2009
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
- Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
- No one is listening until you fart.
- Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile way and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- Don’t squat with your spurs on.
- If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
- Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
- Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.v
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side and it holds the universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
May
19
2009
A Volkswagen Bus
BMW
Cadillac Eldorado Super Limousine
A Model A
A Dodge Ram Pickup
A Lincoln Navigator
A Ford Monster Truck
A Town Car In Police Markings
A Corvette
An Audi
A PT Cruiser
