January
27
2010
1) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. So, I took her to a gas station….. And that’s how the fight started…
2) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver haired chest. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’. …And that’s how the fight started…
3) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
4) I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ …And that’s how the fight started…
January
26
2010
January
26
2010
January
25
2010
January
24
2010
January
24
2010
 |
Sting – Fortress Around Your Heart .mp3 |  |
 |
||
 |
Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
January
24
2010
January
23
2010
WARNING!! Language… Watch Your Volume Or NSFW!!!!
January
23
2010
“Aim towards the Enemy.” – Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.” – U.S. Army
“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” – U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” – Infantry Journal
“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” – Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” – U.S. Air Force Manual
“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.” – Infantry Journal
“Tracers work both ways.” – U.S. Army Ordnance
“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.” – Infantry Journal
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” – Col. David Hackworth
“If your attack is going too well, you’re probably walking into an ambush.” – Infantry Journal
“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.” – Joe Gay
“Any ship can be a minesweeper … once.” – Anonymous
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” – Unknown Army Recruit
“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.” – Your Buddies
“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.” – U.S. Ammo Troop
January
22
2010
January
21
2010
Now Playing... Corporate Greatest Hits.
January
18
2010
January
15
2010
January
15
2010
January
15
2010
January
12
2010
