November
21
2009
George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got 3 people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. “No!” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and don’t think I could do that all day long.”
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”
The devil smiled and said….
“Monica, you’re free to go!”
November
20
2009
November
20
2009
November
20
2009
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains
“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you slam the lime juice.”
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys…smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.
He thinks…this is OKAAAAAY!
Finally he picks up the lime juice and slams it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits.
At two seconds the Baileys curdles.
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits.
At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Holy shit, what do you call that drink?”
She smiles angelically at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”
November
20
2009
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
‘So, what’s the matter?’ he asks.
‘I have a case of anal glaucoma,’ she says in a weak voice.
And what the hell is anal glaucoma?’
‘I just can’t see my ass coming into work today.’
November
19
2009
November
19
2009
November
19
2009
With Apoligies To Will Smith...
November
18
2009
November
15
2009
Miss Teen North Carolina Caitlin Tipton (She of the garbled U.S. map answer) Goes On Jimmy Kimmel And Accepts An Assignment To Find Out Where Babies Come From… A gynecologist and the Octomom give her the skinny…
November
15
2009
