TheFourEyes | Los Cuatro Ojos

How To Medicate Your Cat…

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, “That’s a nice kitty.” Drop the pill in its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same proceedure as in 1, but hold cat’s front paws down with left hand & back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat’s mouth by lifting the upper jaw & pop pill in – quickly! Since your head is down by your knees, you won’t be able to see what you are doing. That’s just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you are a woman, have a good cry. If you are a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who’s the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat & pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, “Who’s the the boss here anyway?” Open cat’s mouth, take pill & ….Oooops!

9. This isn’t working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back a large beach towl. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter & pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat’s front & back legs over its stomach. (resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time & tabbies wait for no man – or woman!

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat’s head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat’s mouth & poke gently. Voila! It’s done!

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat’s). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Take two aspirins & lie down.

Cool Stuff, Information, Jokes, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes March 3, 2008 | Comments (0)

Famous Predictions…

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” – Popular Mechanics, 1949

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” -Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1981

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, Founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.” - Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

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Viagra… Breakfast Of Champions…

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Work Or Prison… Which Is Better?

In prison …You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
At Work …You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

In prison …You get three meals a day.
At Work …You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison …You get time off for good behaviour.
At Work …You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

In prison …A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At Work …You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison …You can watch TV and play games.
At Work …You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison …You get your own toilet.
At Work …You have to share.

In prison …They allow your family and friends to visit.
At Work …You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison …All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At Work …You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison …You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At Work …You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

In prison …There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At Work …They are called supervisors.

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This Is An 80′s Thing … Right?

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Is This Warning Clear Enough?

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Men vs. Women… A Lost Cause…

WHO DOES WHAT:

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”

CREATION:

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WOMAN’S REVENGE:

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

WIFE VS. HUSBAND:

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied , “in-laws

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Want Your Own Thing In A Jar?…. Here’s How…

Try It HERE

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I’m Not Sure I Really Want To Know What’s Going On Here… Any Guesses?

Donkey Seems To Be A Little Apprehensive Too!

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Another Chinese Innovation… Bagged Beer… Not Sure How You’d Drink It Other Than With A Straw…

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Michelin Man As Buddha… Somebody’s Got Talent!!

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Dunkin Donuts Are Heavenly… Every American Cop Knows This To Be True…

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Just Like Grandma Used To Make…

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Short Term Memory Test… Hope You Don’t Fail It As Miserably As I Did…

Try It HERE

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This Painting Brings Back So Many Memories… USS Spadefish…

The Painting Caused Me To Begin Reminiscing And Pull Up Some More Memories…

Not Many People Get To See A Submarine From This Perspective…

The Blurry Figure Inside The Yellow Square Is Me… Really!!

Guys Like Me Get A Sick Feeling To See Something Like This …

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These “Creatures” All Started Out As Human Beings… Not Too Long Ago…. They Would Have Been Killed On Sight… We’ve Come A Long Way!

Courtesy Of DeputyDog.com

Kala Kawai has 67 piercings and 75 % of his body is tattooed so it’s a good job he chose a career in body modification, running his own studio in hawaii. he has stretched the holes in his earlobes to 4 inches, inserted various silicon implants on his head, can screw metal spikes into the top of his skull, has a split tongue and generally looks extremely frightening. also worth bearing in mind is that he split his own tongue using dental floss and did all his own piercings.

With a name like ‘unstoppable’ you’d be stupid to give up on the modifications after a couple of earrings. this guy has surely the largest nostrils in the western world (if you look closely i’m almost certain you can see his brain) plus a huge array of other ‘body mods’ to his name including scars cut into his cheeks and forehead, a split tongue, domes implanted under the skin of his forehead and many many more. to see the complete list go here. to see a harrowing, nsfw photo of mr unstoppable’s private parts, click here.

First place was always gonna go to 44 yr old Dennis Avner, aka Stalking Cat. I remember a few years ago watching a documentary about him and nearly crying when his face appeared for the first time, my brain simply wasn’t able to process the sight. he looks like a cross between jocelyn wildenstein and the beast from the old beauty & the beast tv programme… And he’s gone the whole hog in terms of body modification: tattoos, silicon implants on his face, pointed teeth, surgically pointed ears, piercings, attachable whiskers, claws, a bifurcated top lip and even an animatronic tiger’s tail. he says he’s been going through these procedures for the past 20 years because he grew up in a native american tribe and his belief in their customs drove him to transform into his totem animal – the tiger.

See More… Much More At DeputyDog

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The Air Fueled Car Comes To North America… At 106 MPG @ 96 MPH… I’ll Get Rid Of Two Gas Burners For One Of These!

I posted about these cars back on January 8th 2008 … They were in France Then… Now they’re Coming to North America.

If the Oil Companies and Detroit don’t screw them… These Things Will Sell Like Hotcakes!

How Do I Get an Air Car?… Click HERE

ZPM will begin taking reservations in early 2008 for US deliveries of the Air Car in early 2010. To take reservations we will launch a new networking website that will build community around the much anticipated introduction of the Air Car to the US market.

Vehicle Specifications

Length – 13.4 ft
Width – 5.97 ft
Height – 5.74 ft
Seating – 6 seats
Trunk volume – 35 cubic ft
Weight – 1874 lbs
Engine – 6 Cyl.
Power – 75 hp
Max Speed – 96 mph*
Mileage – 106 mpg*
Range – 848 miles (8 gal tank) *
Co2 – 0.158 lbs/mile (at speeds >35mph; zero emissions at <35mph)

Competitive Price

We estimate the cost of purchasing a six-seater, 75hp Air Car will be approximately $17,800, proving that buying “green” doesn’t have to cost more. Not only is the price amazingly affordable, but it will cost you up to five times less in fuel consumption than an equivalent gasoline powered car. The Air Car is a totally new breed of cars entirely conceived to achieve low prices:

Ingenious design. The car’s modular, advanced materials and manufacturing techniques simplify manufacture.

No dealer’s = no middleman costs. In our business model, your Air Car is delivered to you directly from the local/regional factory, eliminating any dealer mark-up and shipping costs.

Low fuel costs. You can get an equivalent of 106 MPG. It can cost as little as $2 to refill your tank with air.

Simple maintenance. All parts will be supplied by the manufacturer to a network of licensed repair shops that will simply replace defective parts. It is easy, fast and first class since all parts are new.

Reduced maintenance anyway. The Air Car requires no cooling circuit and uses no hot gases.

No combustion = no residues. An oil change is only necessary every 31,000 miles!