Spock... Sarek... Tuvok.... Barack... Seems Like A Lot Of Vulcan Names End With "K".
Cool Pics, Cool Stuff, Insults, Jokes, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes June 1, 2009 | 
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"And They Said We'd Never Last..."
Fishermen cutting a whale shark into massive steaks... Gonna need a really big grill though.
This is actually there… Check your End User Agreement.
Cool Pics, Cool Stuff, Information, Insults, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes May 30, 2009 |
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Cool Pics, Information, Insults, Jokes, Rants | TheFourEyes May 20, 2009 |
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A Volkswagen Bus
BMW
Cadillac Eldorado Super Limousine
A Model A
A Dodge Ram Pickup
A Lincoln Navigator
A Ford Monster Truck
A Town Car In Police Markings
A Corvette
An Audi
A PT Cruiser
Cool Pics, Cool Stuff, Information | TheFourEyes May 19, 2009 |
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1. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
2. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
3. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
4. What’s the definition of a will?.. It’s a dead giveaway.
5. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
6. When the electricity went off during a storm at school… the students were de-lighted.
7. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
8. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
9. It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.
10. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
11. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
12. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
13. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
15. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
16. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
17. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
18. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
19. It was an emotional wedding… Even the cake was in tiers.
20. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
21. Local Area Network in Australia = the LAN down under.
22. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
Information, Insults, Jokes, Just Plain Silly, Rants | TheFourEyes May 17, 2009 |
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Staff at Rayong Hospital had a busy night on April 27, when two men with severed penises were brought in for emergency treatment.
The first patient, a 31-year-old from Pluak Daeng District, arrived at around 1am. He was bleeding profusely from a wound near what had not long before been the base of his penis.
Surgeons were able to stop the bleeding and stabilize the man’s condition, but could do nothing about the missing member.
An hour later, at around 2am, a 35-year-old man was transferred to Rayong Hospital from Queen Savang Vadhana Memorial Hospital in Sri Racha, Chonburi Province. The man’s penis had also been severed with a sharp object.
A Khao Sod reporter investigating the cases found the first man hiding under his bed covers in the hospital ward. Despite appearing exhausted and constantly trying to hide his face under the covers, the man agreed to tell the reporter what had happened.
The patient said that he worked at a Kawasaki motorbike factory in Pluak Daeng District, was married and had a six-year-old son. He often argued with his 32-year-old wife, who lived in constant worry that he would leave her for another woman.
On the night of April 26, he had been drinking at a friend’s house. When he got home, his wife accused him of being out with a kik (mistress or casual sex partner). An argument ensued and when the fighting eventually died down, the man fell fast asleep, owing to all the alcohol he had drunk.
As he was sleeping, he felt a sudden, searing pain in his groin. He looked down to see what must be every married man’s worst nightmare: blood pouring from his genitalia and his wife leaving the room clutching a bloody knife.
The man said that he tried to pull himself together and look for the severed part of his penis, but could not find it. He then ran out into the street to find someone to take him to hospital, he told the reporter.
The other victim understandably refused to speak to the press, so it is not clear what led to his member being detached.
A nurse involved in treating the pair said that the first man had arrived about an hour before the second. Both men had their penises cut off at the base, leaving only the testicles, the nurse revealed.
Doctors stitched the cuts closed and inserted catheters. Both men were in stable condition physically, but were in very poor mental states and seemed unable to come to terms with their losses, the nurse said.
Duty Officer Adison Phanthusak from Pluak Daneg Police said the first victim’s relatives had reported the crime and police are now hunting for his wife, who fled with the couple’s son.
Thai Women Are Known For This Particular “Treatment” For Cheating Spouses… I guess I’m lucky… After 20+ years… She hasn’t clipped me … Yet.
Cool Pics, Information, Uncategorized, Videos | TheFourEyes May 16, 2009 |
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Angola has more landmine victims than most other countries — millions of mines were planted across the country during a bloody 27-year civil war that ended in 2002. Precise figures of landmine casualties are not known, but hundreds have been killed, and it’s estimated as many as 80,000 have been injured. Despite an extensive demining program since the end of the war, Angola remains one of the most mined countries in Africa, and an estimated 300-400 people have been injured by mines every year since the war ended.
Before her death, Princess Diana brought the devastation caused by landmines to the world’s attention. Miss Landmine is the brainchild of a theatre director who wanted to give these women the chance to celebrate their inner and outer beauty.
Leonardo DiCaprio
John Lennon
Michael Jackson
Kurt Kobain
Kate Winslet
Robert De Niro
Brad Pitt
Angelina Jolie
Drew Barrymore
Jodie Foster
Bjork
Madonna
Cristiano Ronaldo
Courtney Love
Marilyn Monroe
Arnold Schwarznegger
Kate Moss
Marilyn Manson
Janet Jackson
Jennifer Lopez
John Lennon
Tom Cruise
Katie Holmes
Freddy Mercury
Cool Pics, Information | TheFourEyes May 2, 2009 |
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Cool Pics, Insults, Jokes, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes May 1, 2009 |
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Cool Pics, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes April 16, 2009 |
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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What did the gynecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
Q: How can you tell if you’re at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night??
A: Hanson.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: What’s somewhat brown and often found in children’s underpants?
A: Michael Jackson’s hand.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: ‘Honey, I’m home.’
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.
Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she’s given her last blow job.
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb
Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson’s ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand…
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin’.
Q. What’s the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ‘quickie’, only you do it yourself.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What’s a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue’s still in the envelope.
Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, you can beat your eggs,and you can beat your meat; but you just can’t beat a blow job.
Insults, Jokes, Uncategorized | TheFourEyes April 14, 2009 |
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Bueche’s Shop-Rite had the most colorful Easter basket display. The display created much longing in my sugar-grubbing soul. My parents never took me to church so I’d never heard of Jesus and imagined God to be a nice man in a brown suit with a matching derby hat. The Easter Bunny, however, I knew intimately.
My mother used to say He would not set foot in an unkept house, so we helped her tidy up and clean things. We then went to bed looking forward to the egg hunt and lots of sugar. Organized religion is not the only way to control the masses.
After I expressed joy and longing while passing the Bueche’s (beekeez) Easter basket display, my father said (and this is one of his real life-changing gems), “Show me a kid who believes in the Easter Bunny and I’ll show you a dumb kid.”
This must have been in 1967 or 1968. I must have been five or six years old when I learned how dumb I am, which is cool, because most people never figure it out. Color me precocious.
My father expected us to push the creative limits of egg dying. This was in the day of Paas, the dye tablets you mixed with hot water and vinegar; none of the new-fangled glittery dying kits had been invented yet. If we wanted a swirly psychedelic egg, we had to go to some trouble, and I did, because I did not want to disappoint the Bunny with boring, monochramatic, pastel eggs.
As the years went by the Easter Bunny let it be known that we were expected to demonstrate our growing intelligence. If we looked for an egg in an easy spot we would find a note in perfect Easter Bunnyish printing (black ink, white paper): You’re going to have to try harder than that, or If your name isn’t Lydia, leave this egg alone. Beside the note would be a small pile of Bunny turds (raisins).
With a bit of humor, through the Easter Bunny, my dad’s message was: try harder because you can and because it’s fun. My dad was the best Easter Bunny. And he knew it.
In addition to sugar, most human beings seem to crave guidance, comfort, and relief from guilt. Maybe that’s where the whole god thing comes from and therefore the whole reason we celebrate Easter. Curiously, the kids in my family were somehow taught some of the ways of Jesus, without Jesus’s name ever coming up. Do unto others was the Big One. If you could grasp doing unto others, you were half way there. Wherever there was. Is. Will be.
We had to answer to our own consciences. The most dreaded form of discipline, second only to being called stupid, was a very terse, “Go to your room and think about that.” We were never taught that we would be punished for our sins or that anyone died to make up for our sinful ways, because there was no sin. There were just things that needed to be thought about. Learning from a mistake and moving on not to repeat it was the way to relieve guilt.
Two of our beliefs definitely came from Dad’s navy training, teamwork being the best example. If one sibling messed up, we all paid, so there was preventative teamwork (talking a sib out of something stupid) and damage-control teamwork (helping to hide the evidence to avoid being sent to our rooms to think about something). Another navy-founded teaching was you snooze you lose. It wasn’t until sometime during the last year that I ever felt comfortable showing up late for anything.
A lot of the stuff we were supposed to learn came from my grandfather:
when you point fingers in blame, there are three pointing back at you;
be proud of who you are and do not shame the family name;
stand up straight, shoulders back, head held high, make eye contact, and offer a firm handshake;
do not lie, ever;
do not throw like a girl (that one pissed me off, so I insist on throwing like a girl);
and some other stuff that will come to me at three in the morning.
Benjamin Franklin was probably influential as well: a borrower nor a lender be; waste not want not. I never borrow from family or friends, and if anyone borrows from me they pretty much can assume I’m prepared not to be paid back. I have a disgusting tendency to eat off of other people’s plates while I’m doing the dinner dishes.
Deleterious side effects like punctuality neurosis and dirty dinner plate pillaging aside, I have to say, it’s worked out okay having been raised by people who realized there’s just no knowing what happens after death and therefore concerned themselves with training us to learn how to get along right now rather than to indulge any worries about a heaven or hell that might come later. If they ever felt the anxiety of the incontrovertible, unavoidable end of life, they never spoke of it; they were much too busy.
Coyote writes, “Let’s face it: all evidence points to the extinction of consciousness upon our death. Rather, there is no evidence whatsoever to support its continuance, so how could we possibly believe (other than out of desperation) that we do live on in some way?”
My response: Our existence here at all seems so improbable to me, and our consciousness seems so altogether baffling and unexplainable, yet here we are and we seem to be conscious of our hereness. What would be so surprising, therefore, about a continuation of consciousness, in whatever form? It’s not a matter of desperation to allow for the possibility of neverending consciousness. However, to oppress and murder people based on one’s fervent belief in neverending consciousness within all of the dogma surrounding that belief is desperation in its most abominable form. We hate that; it bugs us.
For me, the world is pregnant with meaning — whatever meaning I bring to whatever event I notice in order to fill whatever need I have. When I hear the loon call, especially when the loon ought to be quiet, when I see a great blue heron in an unusual place, and especially when I see specialty rainbows — doubles, triples, horizon-to-horizon, circling the moon — it means to me that I need to pay attention to something, that I’m on the cusp of an opportunity to learn something big. I assign that meaning because birds and rainbows are things I associate with my dad, and what he seemed to need was for me to be smart.
Meaning, like belief, is the contrivance of human personality. Their being contrivances does not invalidate them. Either belief does something for you or it doesn’t. Either you find meaning useful or you don’t.
Belief for me shifts with the wind.
Cool Stuff, Essays, Information, Uncategorized | TheFourEyes April 12, 2009 |
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Information | TheFourEyes April 1, 2009 |
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The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women’s restroom, Murphy’s, Champaign, IL
Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.
* Men’s restroom, Murphy’s, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Obama in the last election, you can’t take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
* Men’s room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington
Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
* Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
* Armand’s Pizza, Washington, D.C.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he’d say we were stopping for ice.
* Smoky Joe’s, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Remember, it’s not, ‘How high are you?’ it’s ‘Hi, how are you?’
* Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
* The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
* Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
* Men’s restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. * Bentley’s House of Coffee and
Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
* Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
Make love, not war. – Hell, do both, get married!
God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
* The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, D.C.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books, New York, New York
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
* Women’s restroom, Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.
JESUS SAVES! But wouldn’t it be better if He had invested?
* Men’s restroom, American University, Washington, D.C.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Express Lane: Five beers or less
* Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix,AZ.
You’re too good for him.
* Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.
No wonder you always go home alone.
* Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
* Men’s restroom, Lynagh’s, Lexington, Kentucky.
Information, Insults, Jokes, Just Plain Silly, Uncategorized | TheFourEyes March 25, 2009 |
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A rare quail from the Philippines was photographed for the first time before being sold as food at a poultry market, experts say. Found only on the island of Luzon, Worcester’s buttonquail was known solely through drawings based on dated museum specimens collected several decades ago.
Cool Pics, Information, Insults, Just Plain Silly, Rants | TheFourEyes February 22, 2009 |
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Cool Pics, Cool Stuff, Just Plain Silly, Rants | TheFourEyes February 21, 2009 |
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Is this supposed to be Michelle and Barack?!?!
These were baked by the guy who supplies pastries and cakes featured on Sex and the City.
Lafayette French Pastry proprietor Ted Kefalinos thought that making strange looking cookies that some customers claim he calls “Drunken N-Word Cookies” was cute. Watch him try to fast pedal his way out of a serious backlash brought on by Fox5 New York Arnold Diaz’s exposé.
Here’s His Apology Video… Maybe Too Little Too Late
Information, Insults, Just Plain Silly, Rants, Uncategorized, Videos | TheFourEyes February 20, 2009 |
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Cannabisaur
Juvenile Reeferpithacus
Adult Reeferpithacus
Cool Pics, Jokes, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes February 10, 2009 |
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From the Globe & Mail
THE QUESTION: “Why don’t ants drown in the passageways of their anthills during a heavy rainstorm or melting snow?” asked Bill Cunningham of Sackville, N.B.
THE ANSWER: “Two strategies allow ants to deal with potentially catastrophic water from rain or melting snow — surviving the water or avoiding the water,” writes Alex Smith, an assistant professor of molecular ecology at the Biodiversity Institute of Ontario at the University of Guelph.
Surviving the water: Individual ants can survive complete submersion for hours, he says. And some species that live in areas that are commonly flooded can survive underwater for days.
“They accomplish this by closing their spiracles (the openings in their body wall that lead to their respiratory surfaces or ‘lungs’) and reducing their oxygen consumption to as little as 5 to 20 per cent of their normal rate.” He says other species, including the invasive fire ant, form rafts out of their bodies that allow the queen and brood to survive the flooding and re-establish the colony following the retreat of flood waters.
Avoiding the water: “Many anthills have design features that reduce the soil moisture content within the mound compared with levels in the adjacent soil,” he writes.
“One advantage in an anthill is that the height of a mound allows the colony to move up to avoid rising flood waters, and some of these mounds can be over a metre tall.” Underground cavities can also be sealed off from the water, he says. “Some tropical ants in mangrove swamps … literally use their heads to block the tunnel opening during periods of flood.”
Cool Stuff, Information | TheFourEyes February 9, 2009 |
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Ear Infection
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong — and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There’s nothing worse than a doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist said, “Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
He replied, “There’s something wrong with my dick.”
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you.”
The receptionist replied, “Now y ou’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
“You shouldn’t ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone,” the man said. Then he walked out and waited several minutes before re-entering.
The receptionist smiled smugly and said, “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear.”
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. “And what is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it.”
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Jokes | TheFourEyes January 30, 2009 |
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Cool Pics, Cool Stuff, Information, Insults, Just Plain Silly, Rants | TheFourEyes January 28, 2009 |
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