Los Cuatro Ojos

How to Be A Thorough A**Hole…

Most Of These Take More Cojones Than I’ve Got… But I’d Like To Hear If You Decide To Try A Few… (especially if you end up in a fight!)

1. When the proverbial airline meal is served, tip the salad concoction into the ‘little bag’, without being seen, then make violent and disgusting retching sounds into the bag, and finally start happily eating your salad out of the ‘little bag’.
2. If you’re staying in a hotel for a business conference, sneak out after everyone has gone to bed and place several pairs of men’s shoes outside the doors of the single women staying in the hotel, but leave one of them with no men’s shoes outside it.
3. Try to grow a few obnoxious weeds on your side of the fence and then gradually train these to grow through or under it into the neighbor’s garden.
4. Travel during the peak periods with huge boxes and parcels and put these on seats next to you when you sit down.
5. Put foreign coins in the collection box at church. (If it’s a collection plate, put down a note and take change.)
6. If you find someone driving right on your tail, try varying your speed but always speed up when they are trying to get past.
7. Walk along as if you have stepped in something un-pleasant, by pretending to scrape your feet along the pavement or rubbing your soles on any available patches of grass. Then look daggers at anyone walking a dog.
8. Stand in front of the automatic exit doors at the mall so that anyone trying to come past, laden down with shopping, has to struggle past and force their way through a narrow gap.