Los Cuatro Ojos

This Is Not My Shadow!! Or Is It?

Man’s Sweat Is Green!

Doctors in China admit they are baffled after a man began to perspire green sweat.

Cheng Shunguo, 52, of Wuhan city, says his sweat turned green in the middle of November.

“I noticed that my underwear and bed sheets were all green, and even the water in the shower,” he told the Chutian Metropolis News.

Cheng says he feels no discomfort, but went to hospital because he was worried about his condition.

Doctors thoroughly cleaned his armpits but it took only 10 minutes for his sweat to turn a piece of white gauze green again. They have carried out blood tests on Cheng, but found everything to be normal.

“We can’t find the cause,” admitted a spokesman for the hospital which reported the case to the media in the hope of finding a solution.

Xmas Jokes!!

What is special about the Christmas alphabet?
It has NO EL.

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
He likes to ho-ho-ho.

How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.

Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit?
They both drop their needles!

Which reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?
“Rude”olph!

Living In A Cemetery… 10,000 Families Make Their Home In A Filipino Cemetery

10,000 Families live in cemeteries in Manila… They’ve made themselves at home in a big way!

Introducing… The Shenis, Or, What Happens When Girls Pee Standing Up

After hearing about the Shenis, a 12-inch-long, hollowed-out penis that enables women to pee standing up, it was clear what these ladies needed to do: Order a few and engage in a pissing contest…. So they gathered on a rooftop in Brooklyn, where they chugged beer, wine and water and then assumed the male pee position.

Video HERE at Jezebel.com

HERE is info on the Shenis… An actual product…

INSTRUCTIONS AND WARNING FOR THE SHENIS

WARNING
Always use your shenis in a safe place. Any location you would normally go without getting arrested. Ladies, stay out Men’s rooms. Men get threatened when approached by a woman with a dick.

WARNING:
Never use in a country that has a problem with women’s rights. Like Afghanistan. Big clue, if you can’t show your face or your body, you shouldn’t show your shenis.

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS:

Put in place
Pee
Belch
Scratch
Shake
Shake
Shake
zip up

Rinse

“A TRAGIC RETIREMENT STORY”…

My name is Bill. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Bonnie… When I retired a few months ago, it became necessary for Bonnie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is out of the question… I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves… I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of her aging is complaining… For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much… I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean)… I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She has to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix her self a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for awhile… And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bonnie… I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a just a little more tact and a little less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile… After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Bill

EDITOR’S NOTE

Bill died suddenly on November 8, 2007 of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife, Bonnie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Bill somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his own golf club.

Malt Liquor Beers, and the People Who Drink Them, are Different

The only malt liquor I remember ever drinking was called Colt 45… Do they still make it?.. When I was a teenager and we got our hands on cheap booze… It was usually cheap fortified wine like Thunderbird or Wild Irish Rose… Today …I’m a confirmed Tequila Man… High end of course!!

According to one study:

Malt Liquor Beer (MLB) has a higher alcohol content by volume compared to other beers, are typically sold in larger containers, and are priced lower by volume. MLBs have also historically been targeted at lower-income, minority communities. A study in the March issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research has found that MLB drinkers are more likely to be homeless, unemployed, receive public assistance, and tend to drink more alcohol, more often, than other types of drinkers.

MLB drinkers reported significantly higher rates of daily or near daily drinking, drinks per day on drinking days, and daily average alcohol consumption; MLB drinkers were also more likely to smoke while drinking, drink with same-sex friends, and drink outdoors.

MLBs are largely targeted to African American and Hispanic youth, and young adults. “Malt liquor brands such as Steel Reserve, Hurricane, Magnum, and Panther are used by the alcohol industry to connote power and machismo and lure youth and young adults into the market. Rap artists have been popular images in malt liquor advertising and ‘gangsta’ rap performers portray malt liquor as a sign of masculinity.

“Malt Liquor Beers can be sold in containers as large as 40-ounce bottles, or ‘forties’ as they are referred to,” Forties’ are commonly sold chilled and wrapped in brown paper bags for immediate consumption, and independent web sites devoted to malt liquor as well as rap lyrics and movie scripts encourage ‘chugging’ the bottles before they get warm. The combined effects of higher alcohol content, larger serving size, and faster consumption can result in higher blood alcohol levels, an increased risk of aggressive behavior, and other alcohol-related problems.”are likely to be more attractive to lower-income drinkers. In addition, advertising and popular culture references to MLBs are more prevalent in media that is likely to be seen or used by African Americans. In short, south Los Angeles seemed to fit the profile we needed.”

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What Is This? Snake vs. Lizard?

Click to enlarge

Beer Seen as More Dangerous than Liquor, Wine says one study:

I agree with this statement and can categorically state that some of my most boneheaded endeavors have been beer fueled…. I have come closer to being killed when intoxicated by beer than at any other time… My hard liquor fueled shenanigans have tended to end in puking and misery… Whereas my beer fueled foolishness has lended itself to bonding and fond memories… My old buddies and I still reminisce about living through some of the beer blasted madness that fueled our youth.

(I could have saved these folks some money on this study if they’d asked me:)

When it comes to violence, all alcohol is not created equal: Beer is four times more likely to be consumed in a potentially hazardous way than liquor and wine combined, according to researcher Anita de Lucio-Brock of the Alcohol Related Injuries and Violence (ARIV) project.

Drinking also plays a role in gun violence: research has shown that 35 to 63 percent of all firearms victims had alcohol in their blood, as did 18-65 percent of all suicide victims. “Alcohol may be a factor in spontaneous or impulsive suicides,” wrote de Lucio-Brock.

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That last statement about guns & booze seems to be a “DUH” moment to me… Who doesn’t know a story about booze & guns going bad? My brother once waved a loaded gun at me when we were beer -ed up… And then I socked him… Smart, huh? My grandfather said that the Good Lord looks after drunks, fools and children… We were all three at the time.

Pics From Pancho In Tucson

Cell Phone Locator – Track Anybody, Anywhere…

Check it out HERE

Toddler Playing With A Cobra… Somebody Call CPS!!

Death Trivia – 10 Facts

1. In ancient Japan, it was thought that somewhere on the tail of a cat there was a single hair that would restore life to a dying person. Relatives would sometimes bring a cat to the dying person, letting them pluck a hair to try their luck. So they’d die anyway, but with a cat swatting their face with their claws...
2. Jerome Rodale, who founded The Rodale Press publishing house, was taping an interview on the Dick Cavett Talk show. He was bragging about how he was so healthy he’d live to be 100 when he slumped over, dead from a heart attack. The show was never broadcast to the public because it’d be kinda funny.
3. In 1970, television newsmanChris Hubbock announced, “In keeping with Channel 40′s policy of always bringing you the latest in gore and guts in living color, you’re about to see another first – an attempted suicide”. Then she pulled out a gun and fatally shot herself in the head.
4. Paul Revere was the fist person to ever identify a body by dental records. He recognized the dead man because of work he had done joining two teeth together with silver wire.
5. Elvis and Charles Schultz were the #1 and #2 money earning dead people in 2002. Elvis made $31 million; Schultz made $9 million
6. Seven breeds of dog account for 98% of all fatal dog attacks. In order they are: Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Chow, Malamute, Husky, Wolf Hybrids, and the Akita. (Mothers-in-Law ranked # 11.)
7. Crematoria ovens heat typically to 1,100-1,300 F and will burn up a 180 lb. man in about an hour and a half. There’s always bones and chunks left; everything is then ground up and those are the ‘ashes’ you get back.
8. In 1355, when King Pedro of Portugal was crowned, he dug up his mistress to have her properly honored as queen. Loyal subjects bowed before the decorated corpse and had to kiss her hand. That was nice of him – most women can’t even get their husbands to take them out to a simple dinner while they’re alive …
9. When John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, it was not a federal felony to kill a President of the United States.
10. The Viet Nam Memorial has the names of 38 people engraved on it who are listed as killed, but weren’t.

A Fertility Goddess?… I’m A Believer… Chao Mae Tuptim’s Shrine

20 years ago…After a 10 year childless marriage… And after having been told that I could never father children (courtesy of a little nuclear reactor incident)… I made a request at this shrine… And Lo and Behold!!… #1 son will be 19 soon… We had offered Chao Mae Tuptim a gift of oranges and a little wooden elephant if we had a son… Less than 2 years later, She came through. 4 years after that… we made good on our arrangement and asked for another one, please. 6 years after the first one … #2 son showed up. Best deals of my life. Straightforward…Simple… Sons for sacks of oranges… Payable ASAP… Now… as a father of 3, all of whom arrived relatively late in my life… Chao Mae Tuptim is still spoken of quite reverently around my house.

My friend Alf from over at Corkscrew-Balloon.com asked whether I wanted him to take pictures of a few spots in Bangkok for old times sake… So naturally, I asked him to stop by Chao Mae Tuptim’s Shrine and take a pic or two. He came through like a champ!

Yes… Those long things are what you think they are! They’re called linghams… But they represent penises. Madame Tuptim likes them… A lot!! But what do you expect at a fertility shrine? I couldn’t imagine going to get a big wooden or stone one (although apparently there’s a market for them)… So we went the wooden elephant statue route along with the sacks of oranges.

Someone was VERY, VERY grateful!

All pictures courtesy of Corkscrew-Balloon.com

There are lots more pics over at Corkscrew-Balloon... Along with a little bit of stuff Alf dug out of his archives that allude to another era in the life of TheFourEyes.

I’ve asked for and received permission from the Mama Bear to write up some reminisces of the Old Days before she took over my life. She’s gotten to the point where the memories of this high mileage old fart don’t irk her as much as they did when I still had the will to try to relive some of them! I’m working on one that maybe Alf will post while he’s still in Bangkok.

Seen On A Tee Shirt

And my favorite…

The Magnetic Man (Liew Thow Lin)

Believe it or not… My Father -in- Law can do something like this. He does it with spoons…. My wife does not have this “gift”… We’ve never checked the kids.

Liew Thow Lin, a 70-year-old retired contractor in Malaysia, made news for pulling a car twenty meters along a level surface by means of an iron chain hooked to an iron plate on his midriff. He says that he discovered he had the amazing ability to make objects stick “magnetically” to his skin, and now he’s added car-pulling to his repertoire. After reading an article about a family in Taiwan who possessed such power, he says he took several iron objects and put them on his abdomen, and to his surprise, all the objects including an iron, stuck on his skin and didn’t fall down. Since this “gift” is also present in three of his sons and two grandchildren, he figures it’s hereditary.

Want To Do A M.I.L.F. For $9.00? – Fly Spirit Air!!

My own personal MILF did not look kindly on my enthusiasm for this post after I explained what a MILF is... Funny that she doesn’t mind my classifying her as one though!

She seems to think that men are going to book these flights with some sort of ulterior motive… And of course the airline claims they had no idea that M.I.L.F. meant anything other than Many Islands Low Fare. (wink, wink)

Here’s Spirit Air’s Site Promo

ABC News story

Another Good Link at Consumerist.com

Today’s Insults –

She must get exhausted putting make-up on two faces each morning - unknown

This room smells like the place where whales go to die – Bender

He’d forget his balls if he didn’t keep them in a bag. – unknown

That dinner looks like leftovers from the organ donor clinic – anonymous

It Was Time For The Loy Krathong Festival In Thailand Last Week

Loy Krathong is the holiday when you can let go of your resentments, bad luck and worries by floating them down the river. It’s also a time to see beautiful ladies by the thousands decked out in gold and silk . It’s a time of celebration and goodwill that everyone should experience at least once in life.

From Wikipedia Loi Kratong, is a festival celebrated annually throughout Thailand. It is held on the full moon of the 12th month in the traditional Thai lunar calendar, in the western calendar this usually falls into November.

“Loi” means “to float”. “Krathong” is a raft about a handspan in diameter traditionally made from a section of banana tree trunk (although modern-day versions use specially made bread ‘flowers’ and may use styrofoam), decorated with elaborately-folded banana leaves, flowers, candles, incense sticks etc. During the night of the full moon, many people will release a small raft like this on a river. Governmental offices, corporations and other organizations also build much bigger and more elaborate rafts, and these are often judged in contests. In addition, fireworks and beauty contests take place during the festival.

Apart from venerating the Buddha with light (the candle on the raft), the act of floating away the candle raft is symbolic of letting go of all one’s grudges, anger and defilements, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot. People will also cut their fingernails and hair and add them to the raft as a symbol of letting go of the bad parts of oneself. Many Thais believe that floating a krathong will create good luck

More Pics At Making Like Cain

Alf Celebrated Over At Corkscrew- Balloon

More Pics HERE

My instant boob job from 36A to 36DD – and the effect it had on men (and women)

A Story From England’s Daily Mail

Had all the men in Oxford gone mad overnight? The postman started it. When I opened the door, he stood there grinning like a Cheshire cat, and lingered rather longer than necessary while I signed for a package.

But it was the (male) librarian at my local library who really seemed to have lost his marbles.

Only a few days previously, he had processed my son’s books in the nursery section, and he had seemed like a perfectly normal, capable, soul.

Now, though, he was a man on the edge.

But what had inspired this frankly odd behaviour from complete strangers? Quite simply, it was my pair of perfectly perky 36DD breasts.

What they didn’t know of course was that they were in fact made of silicone and had been ‘added’ to my chest the previous day.

While I’ve never been one of those completely flat-chested girls who can run around all day wearing a vest and no bra, my breasts are not my defining feature.

But would I want them to be? Well, like it or not, this past week they were – in the name of journalistic investigation.

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Your Momma Insults –

Your momma’s so stupid,
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

Your momma’s so stupid,
she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald’s and said “Hold the cheese.”

Your momma’s so stupid,
she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

Your momma’s so stupid,
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.

Your momma’s so stupid,
she thought asphalt was a skin disease.

Today’s Insults –

Die and be damned. – Shakespeare

He’s so nasty that the crack of dawn had better be careful – anonymous

Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. – anon

He has to unzip his pants to count to 21 - unknown

The Boy With Sonar Vision (Ben Underwood)… He Is Amazing!

Ben Underwood is blind, both of his eyes were removed (cancer) when he was 3… Yet, he plays basketball, rides on a bicycle, and lives a quite normal life. He’s taught himself to use echo location to navigate around the world… He uses no guide-dog, he doesn’t even need hands… he uses sound. Ben makes short click sounds that bounce back from objects… Amazingly, his ears pick up the echoes to let him know where the objects are… He’s the only person in the world who sees using nothing but echo location, like a bat or a dolphin.

Celebrity Xmas Trees –

See more HERE

Buddhist Monks With Guns & Women… Shocking!!!

I showed these pictures to my wife who is a lifelong Buddhist… The shock and revulsion on her face said it all. Picture your parish priest or your local pastor or your imam or your rabbi or whatever you call your local religious ecclesiastic doing the same. Well… Maybe your pastor or rabbi might get away with the consorting with women part… And a priest might try a bit of naughtiness with a choirboy or two… But the guns?!? Even your most rabid Islamo radical taliban clerics are a bit shy when it comes to posing with this kind of hardware… Try finding a pic of any ayatollah where he’s packing heat.

Buddhist monks are sworn to a life of celibacy, poverty and non-violence… These monks are from China where the government has a big say on who can and cannot become a monk. In fact… The Chinese government is embarking on a plan to influence the succession of the Dalai Lama by appointment rather than by the centuries old method of reincarnation… This has prompted the current Dalai Lama to consider naming his successor before he dies in order to sidestep interference from the Chinese government.

I googled “Priests with Guns” and these are the only images available…

Apparently it’s unfathomable outside of fantasy for western “Men of God” to tote assault weapons. And while I’m sure there’s a rabbi or two walking around in Israel toting an Uzi due to the laws regarding military service… You sure won’t find any pictures anywhere.

Although on a lighter note… this one was an interesting take:

Back to the point though… I wonder where the world is headed if the people that are traditionally among the gentlest and most respectful of life are taking assault weapon training.