Los Cuatro Ojos

Musta Been Something I Smoked…

The Easter Gorilla?!?

The Mindset List For 2010… Or The Class of 2014… Or If You Were Born In 1992.

The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.

For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.”

4. Al Gore has always been animated.

5. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves “real” aliens from another planet.

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.

21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.

25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.

30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.

35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.”

38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.

41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.

48. Someone has always gotten married in space.

49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

51.  Food has always been irradiated.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he?

54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.

57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife.

58. Beethoven has always been a dog.

59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.

67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court.

68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.

75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.

Immigrant Bashing Is Nothing New…

Caption Reads: Red man to Yellow man - "Pale Face 'fraid you crowd him out... Like he did me."

Chinese Develop Missile That Can Take Out U.S. Aircraft Carriers.

From HuffPo

USS George Washington

U.S. naval planners are scrambling to deal with what analysts say is a game-changing weapon being developed by China – an unprecedented carrier-killing missile called the Dong Feng 21D that could be launched from land with enough accuracy to penetrate the defenses of even the most advanced moving aircraft carrier at a distance of more than 1,500 kilometers (900 miles).

Read More HERE and HERE

Where IS This?!? …

20 pence ... cheap

Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #331,721 – How To Start Your Own Country…

Or For The Slightly More Ambitious…

Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #340,360

After Looking At This For A While… I’m Convinced That I Only Got One Pick In My Mate…

Mate Picker - No Refunds

What Software Program Is This?…

The building is made of what?

Jim Siemers – 1947-2010 – Shipfitter – R.I.P.

Jim Siemers - 1947-2010 - "Master Shipfitter"

James Lee (Jim) Siemers quietly slipped from this life into eternity on July, 9^th 2010 after a valiant battle with cancer…

He has always been… And ever will be…  My Friend.

Royal Thai Navy - Rattanakosin - Built By Jim Siemers

Jim was a shipfitter.  Jim was one of the few people on planet earth that can make thousands and thousands of tons of steel float and then go 40mph.  And nobody, but nobody, did it better.

Royal Saudi Navy - Badr - Built By Jim Siemers

In his professional life… Jim was sometimes known as “Master Yoda.”   And like the Jedi Master… Jim was humble yet quietly confident about his skills.  But let there be no doubt… Shipbuilders up and down the West Coast knew him and respected and admired his skills.  Jim built and worked on every kind of ship imaginable -  Tankers, Tugs and Tuna boats… Aircraft Carriers, Submarines and Coast Guard Cutters.  It didn’t matter to him… He loved them all.  If it floats and is made of steel… Jim Siemers has very probably got one out on the water with his initials welded into it.

Tractor Tug - Built By Jim Siemers

Apollo One - Incinerator Ship - Built By Jim Siemers ... He repaired that crane too.

When Jim wasn’t fashioning a ship of some kind… He was working on a car or a motorcycle.  His Ranchero and his Trike were projects that he tinkered on for years and years.  Jim also had a pretty good reputation as a carpenter… When I met Jim… I thought I was a pretty hotshot Shipfitter myself… I was a babe in the woods compared to this guy.  In the almost 10 years that we built ships together… The man constantly amazed me.  What’s more… He constantly taught me… And he kept on teaching me for another 20 years.

Read more »

Gotta Go Number One?… Conveniences For Both Sexes… From I.P. Freely.

The Uro Club

The Go Girl

Mate Picker… Shut Up And Choose!

Mate Picker

Workplace Bullying – An Epidemic?

According to a joint study by the polling firm Zogby and the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), an employee-advocacy group, nearly 50% of the U.S. workforce is either a victim of or a witness to bullying on the job.

In California, a scientist committed suicide after what she had described as years of mistreatment by an abusive boss. In Indiana, a medical technician sued and was awarded $325,000 in damages after his boss shouted threats at him with clenched fists.

Read More At Parade.com and HERE

Tiny Shinnecock Indian Tribe Finally Gets Recognized – I Wish My Grandad Had Lived To See This.

From the UK Guardian:

Almost four centuries since their first contact with the white man and after a 32-year court battle that has just ended in victory, the tiny Shinnecock tribe has now been formally recognised by America’s federal government.

The decision means that the Shinnecock, numbering some 1,300 members, many of whom live in deep poverty compared with their wealthy neighbours, can apply for federal funding to build schools, health centres and set up their own police force. It means their tiny 750-acre reservation is now a semi-sovereign nation within the US, just like much bigger and more famous reservations in the west.

Many believe that the lengthy and painful process that the Shinnecock have been forced to go through is explained by the tribe’s position bang in the middle of the Hamptons, the string of Long Island towns where rich New Yorkers come to party away the summers. The difference between Shinnecock land and the rest of the Hamptons is jarring. The reservation, signalled by a line of stalls selling cheap cigarettes, sits side by side with the town of Southampton, heart of the Hamptons scene.

Read More HERE

From the Sag Harbor Express:

How long have the Shinnecock people lived on the East End?
G: Basically, we have been here for 10,000 years or more. This gives you a time span of how far back our people go.
F: Archaeologists have used carbon dating of pottery and other Indian artifacts dug up in Southampton to show how old our tribe is. The Old Fort Site dates back almost a thousand years. Sugar Loaf Hill is just as ancient. There is a well-documented ancient Shinnecock village on or near Bullhead Bay as well. The history of our tribe is very well documented.

Read More HERE

From USA Today:

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — Members of the Shinnecock tribe are used to the incongruity: a pocket of working-class Native Americans living on a sometimes-shabby reservation amid the wealth of Long Island’s Hamptons resorts.

Their tax-free cigarette shops are down the road from designer boutiques and gourmet caterers.

Their health clinic building once served as the pro shop for the Shinnecock Hills Golf Club, a bastion of privilege built on land dotted with their burial mounds.

Their struggling oyster farm lies across Heady Creek from the oceanfront estates of millionaires.

Read More HERE

Shinnecock Nation Website

Words Of Wisdom…

Friends don’t
let friends
take home ugly men
Women’s restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let’s all get wasted together
and have the time of our lives.
Armand’s Pizza, Washington, DC

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LA

No matter how good she looks,
some other guy is sick and tired
of putting up with her shit.
Men’s Room
Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego
everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It’s hard to make a comeback
when you haven’t been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.
-Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
Women’s restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things,
it would be illegal.
Revolution Books
New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con… then
what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Men’s restroom House of Representatives,
Washington , DC

Express Lane:
Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ

You’re too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom,
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills ,CA

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you’re going to have trouble with it
Women’s restroom
Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t
need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a
wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a
lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but
he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t
change, and she does.
_____________________________

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking
me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re
next.”  They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.

Texans Tend To Think Highly Of Themselves…

Texas vs Taliban:

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. “One Texas soldier is better than  ten Taliban.
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out, “One Texan is better than a hundred Taliban soldiers.” *Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences… After 10 minutes of  battle, again silence.
The Texan voice calls out, “One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban”.   The enraged Taliban Commander musters a thousand fighters and sends them over the dune… Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire rings out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Finally one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men, its a trap”…

“There’s two of them.”

Dead Duck:

An Englishman had visited Texas and was telling his friends about his trip. One fellow asked, “What most impressed you about Texans”.
He replied, “Their confidence. A Texan took me duck hunting and we sat in a blind all day and never saw a thing. Then about sundown a lone duck flew overhead, so high you could hardly see it. When it was directly overhead the Texan raised his shotgun and fired.
The duck kept right on flying”.

Then the Texan turned to me in amazement and said, “Son, yore witnessing a miracle. Thar flies a dead duck”.

Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.

Cowboy’s Ten Commandments posted on the wall
at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:

1. Just one God.
2. Honor yer Ma & Pa.
3. No telling tales or gossipin’ .
4. Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
5. Put nothin’ before God.
6. No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
7. No killin’.
8. Watch yer mouth.
9. Don’t take what ain’t yers.
10. Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

The Elevator…

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father , not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . .
“Go get your mother.”

Links To Look At…

• In jail for being in debt

• Hunt for the Alligator

• PhoneBalls: The Most Ridiculous iPhone Accessory Ever?

• Porn virus publishes web your history

• What Happens When You Die?

• 3D Projections On Buildings Make Structures Come To Life.
  

Deepwater Horizon Oil Rig Safety Overseen By Tiny Pacific Island Nation…

From the L.A. Times

The Deepwater Horizon oil rig that exploded in the Gulf of Mexico was built in South Korea. It was operated by a Swiss company under contract to a British oil firm. Primary responsibility for safety and other inspections rested not with the U.S. government but with the Republic of the Marshall Islands — a tiny, impoverished nation in the Pacific Ocean.

And the Marshall Islands, a maze of tiny atolls, many smaller than the ill-fated oil rig, outsourced many of its responsibilities to private companies.

Now, as the government tries to figure out what went wrong in the worst environmental catastrophe in U.S. history, this international patchwork of divided authority and sometimes conflicting priorities is emerging as a crucial underlying factor in the explosion of the rig.

Read More HERE:

At Least He’ll Never Have To Worry About Losing His Headset…

This takes "Hands Free" to a different level....

Scientists Create Artificial DNA… Some Side Effects Noticed…

On the bright side... No more dental problems.

On the not so bright side... No more... Well... You know.

Scientists Create Artificial DNA

Humans Devour An Elephant Like Ants At A Picnic…

One dead elephant equals tons of fresh meat...

Looks like word got out...

Free Meat!

These Guys Work Like Union Butchers...

Baskets, Buckets and Bags...

Not even enough meat left for the dogs...

Like He Was Never Even There...

What’re Friends For?…

PMS Week Is Almost Over At My House…

You Shoulda Seen Her Three Days Ago!

A Lawyer Too Smart For Himself…

A Charlotte, North Carolina, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued….and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the “fires.”

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the ‘Criminal Lawyers Award’ Contest!

Two Places You Don’t Want To Visit…

The North Yungas Road (Road of Death or Death Road) is a 61 kilometres (38 mi) or 69 kilometres (43 mi) road leading from La Paz to Coroico, 56 kilometres (35 mi) northeast of La Paz in the Yungas region of Bolivia. It is legendary for its extreme danger with estimates stating that 200 to 300 travelers are killed yearly along it.

Off the shore of Brazil, almost due south of the heart of São Paulo, is a Ilha de Queimada Grande (Snake Island). Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter.  The snakes  are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. Responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. This place is so dangerous that a permit is required to visit.