- Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
- Gain weight… at least 40 pounds. Didn’t your mom always say you were bit skinny.
- Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
- Watch more TV. It’s very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed over the years.
- Draw up a list of people who were nasty to you in the past year… Then get back at them in the next year!
- Drink more… Wasn’t it Benjamin Franklin who said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.
- Eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.
- Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make you a dull boy or girl.
- Play more computer games. Scientists say they’re good for you and improve your visual skills. But you always knew that.
- Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking – it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.