She must get exhausted putting make-up on two faces each morning – unknown This room smells like the place where whales go to die – Bender He’d forget his balls if he didn’t keep them in a bag. – unknown That dinner looks like leftovers from the organ donor clinic – anonymous
Your momma’s so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company. Your momma’s so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald’s and said “Hold the cheese.” Your momma’s so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out. Your momma’s so stupid, she got […]
Die and be damned. – Shakespeare He’s so nasty that the crack of dawn had better be careful – anonymous Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. – anon He has to unzip his pants to count to 21 – unknown
A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! – Anon After meeting you, I’ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest. - unknown Any friend of yours … is a friend of yours. – anonymous Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years […]
“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.” – Groucho Marx “Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now she’s at rest and so am I” – John Dryden on his wife “She’s got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together.” […]
“She’s not only kept her lovely figure, she’s added so much to it.” – Bob Fosse “Some women are BLONDE on their Mother’s side, some from their Father’s side – she is blonde from Peroxide.” – Anon “Bambi with testosterone.” – Owen Gleiberman on The Artist Formerly Known As Prince
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. – unknown He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost. – unknown I bet your mother has a loud bark! – anonymous I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture should eat. […]
In 1998… When Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold were divorcing, and were fighting a war of words in the press… Roseanne said something about Tom having a small penis, Tom responded thusly: “Even a 747 would look small if it was landing in the Grand Canyon.”
And Me Too After Falling For The Mountain Dew Thing!!
She’s seen more ceilings than Michelangelo – unknown He’s as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar. – anonymous Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in? – anon Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. – unknown
Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull? – unknown She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. – Shakespeare He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. – Molly Ivins You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old […]
One more wrinkle and you’d pass for a prune. – Unknown We all spring from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough. – unknown This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. – Myumi from Okinawa In California, they don’t throw their garbage away – […]
You should wear glasses, then you could see the faces people pull when they see you coming – unknown Your sister is so fat her Levi’s don’t say 501, they say 747. – anonymous Your aunt is so fat she’s on both sides of the family. – unknown I know your trying to insult me, […]
The last time I saw legs like that, one of them had a message tied to it – unknown She’s got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits – Anonymous He takes so many pills that when he walks he sounds like a pair of maracas – My Wife Your eyes are like […]
“Don’t look out of the window… People will think that it’s Halloween” – Alice F. from MI With the skimpy clothes she wears she couldn’t even hide her embarrassment. – Auntie “He’s as gay as pink ink” – anonymous “As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market” – unknown “She needs the rough […]
I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. – unknown I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. – anonymous I hear that when your mother […]
If you suveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you’d find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the ‘Beverly Hillbillies’. — Dave Barry Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems […]
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.” 2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub.” 4.Name your dog “Dog.” 5. Insist […]
“A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.” – Tom Shales talking about Robin Williams “If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.” – Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono “She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are […]
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth? – anon Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? – Unknown Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull? – anonymous Do you still love […]
Don’t be ignorant all your life, take a day off why don’t you? – unknown You look like you just escaped from planet of the apes. – anon I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?- Anonymous If brains were wind, you […]
Hello – tall, dark and obnoxious! – unknown If your brain was chocolate it wouldn’t fill an M&M. – Me! You’re so dumb, your fingers and toes are numbered. – anonymous If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn’t say hello, I’d say boo! -anonymous
“I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born” – Ronald Reagan “I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.” – Groucho Marx “He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe” – Anon. “Can I borrow your face for a few days? […]
“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.”- Oliver Herford” A wife of 40 should be like money You should be able to change her for two 20′s”- Anon “She tells enough white lies to ice a cake” – Dorothy Parker “She’s got such a narrow mind, when she walks […]
It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. – unknown I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit. – Anonymous I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. – Me! I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s […]
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