Cats… Revenge Is Sweet…

surprised cat

WTF?!!?.. That’s Just Downright Nasty!

Is There No End To How Ridiculously Stupid People Can Be?… I Guess If There Was… There’d Be No Need For This Blog.

Just nasty

In Memory Of Luke… 2002-2008 – R.I.P.

Today we buried our Alpha Male English Mastiff… Luke… Luke SkyWalker that is.

Luke was a massive Mastiff… close to 200lbs in his prime.  Big, slobbery, goofy, clumsy, sweet, lovable, snore like an earthquake Luke.

Luke’s snore could wake the dead… And he slept like the dead… Usually in the middle of the hallway… But you always took a chance if you wanted to be considerate and step over him in the middle of the night…. ‘Cause, if he woke up… You were going for a ride.  One night he took Mrs. FourEyes about halfway down the hall before she could manage a dismount.

Looking at Luke face on could be a terrifying experience if you weren’t real familiar with him … He looked like he’d definitely eat you.  Trouble was… Luke just wanted to be patted on that huge block head… He never quite perfected the “Hi, I’m Cute…Wanna Pet Me?” look.

# 2 son named him after his favorite character when he was 7… He picked Luke out of a pile of 8 puppies.  I didn’t like his choice.  But Luke soon proved me dead wrong… He grew into a great hulking beast with the personality of a bunny rabbit.  Lovable doesn’t even begin to describe this dog.  The only time Luke ever took advantage of his size was when he was bulldozing his way through 600 pounds of hound to Bogart the lion’s share of affection.

Luke leaves us with his magnificent son, Daeng.  Who displays lots of his dad’s traits.  I predict Luke’s line will be long and strong.

Been Brought Down Low With A Nasty Summer Cold…

I hate summer colds… They always make me miserable!


The worst part is the sneezing…


I feel like I’m in a fog…


And I definitely need one of these!

tissue hat

I really feel like this…

dead man

Of course the kids have their own take on all of this…

rplace dad

My Boss And His Boss…

Ass kissing Hippo

Eye Have No Idea What This Guy Is Trying To Do…

Eye Smoker

Found Your Dog…

found dog

I Actually Remember Seeing This Live… And Wondering WTF?!?!

female wrestlers

How To Tell When You’re All Grown Up…

Grown up list

Cane Fighting… Self Defense For The Old Dudes… Like Me.

Step by Step Instructions HERE

Here’s A Video To Get You Started…

Read More HERE

What A Day!

I am officially paranoid.

The day after I posted my Rant on Earthlink… My main hard drive goes belly up… We’re talking corrupted. Badly.  None of my utilities worked… Disk Utility… DiskWarrior… Nothing.   I couldn’t even restore with Time Machine.  We’re talking panic here… Meltdown, Pee-your-pants, Have-a-drink, Scream-at-the-kids, Woe-is-me Meltdown.

And of course my modem was still dropping the connection every 10 minutes.

And in the middle of all this… The AirCon on my house takes a vacation.  And it’s 104º outside.

In my heat-stroked panic… I began to believe that “They” were out to get me… Wasn’t sure exactly who “They” were… But “They” got me…. I just knew it had something to do with those all-seeing, all-controlling folks sitting at their consoles at Earthlink Central.  Yeah… That’s it… They fried my hard drive and caused my AC to quit… Horrors!.. See what happens when you try to stick it to “The Man”?!?

OK.. OK… Nevermind.

After a couple of cold ones and a shot of Okinawan Sake… It was easier to focus on the “real deal”…

Well… it’s like this… In my attempts to find out whether or not I could track down the ISP problem I’ve been dealing with for a few days… I decided to scan my entire system with Norton AV… The whole 1.4 terabytes.  But I forgot to pay attention to a couple of small details…  And I paid dearly.

Mac OS X Leopard has this cool back-up dealie called Time Machine that auto backs up every hour… Sucks up tons of processor and RAM power when it’s doing it’s thing though…. Usually no big fuss… Unless you’re running something else that sucks up tons of processor power and RAM.

Like Norton AntiVirus.

Simple operation… Run manual full system scan… Turn off Time Machine.


So I owe a sort of backhanded apology to Earthlink…

Even though you guys can’t get your stuff together and fix an access issue… I was wrong to think (and cuss) all those dire curses your way about my hard drive.  And the facts that the hit count for LCO went up by 4000 visitors the day of my Rant and that I had to use the Rant plus family connections to get a simple response from someone who could replace my modem doesn’t excuse the curses upon your children, grandchildren and mothers that I so sincerely called down upon your houses. 

Please accept my sincere apologies… I have burnt an incense in your collective name.

As to the Air Conditioning…

In my wild-eyed panic over not being able to get any work done and having to shut down more than half of the electronic heat producers cluttering up the old Rat’s Nest…. I kind of mentally glossed over the fact that I had actually called in the AC company myself because I wasn’t happy with the output of the unit.  Never mind that the house was at a comfortable 74º even though  it was 102º outside… Plus there was a little water dripping down the side of the furnace housing.

So the AC guys sent over Coleman… One of their top techs who I’ve known for years.  And Coleman finds that the cooling coil assembly needs cleaning… Hey!… I’ve got 4 cats and 5 dogs… There’s bound to be some fur that gets past the filter!  No big whoop.

But the cracked drain pan? That’s a problem.  Can’t put the coil back in with a cracked pan.  And do the AC coil makers stock spare plastic drain pans?… Noooo!  A $40 piece of plastic bolted to the bottom of an $1100 copper and aluminum cooling unit can cause you to have to buy a whole new unit?!?!

“Order a new pan.” growls I… “Not gonna get here til Monday.” sez Coleman… ” Gonna be a hot weekend.”  And away he goes… Leaving me to shut off computers and printers and breaking out fans… “Mama and Auntie and the kids are gonna freak.” Thinks I.

You know those stages of grief people talk about?.. Anger, Bargaining, Denial, Acceptance, blah, blah… Well, somehow… during the anger stage… I managed to rationalize that Earthlink just had to have engineered this too. (See what excessive heat and stress can do to an otherwise rational mind?)

Soooo… Now, I’ve had a nap and wrestled my hard drive back to normal (my connection still sucks though!) and I’m sitting at the only computer that’s on in this house that normally has at least 5 running…  at 3:50am and it’s 90º with 80% humidity and the fan isn’t helping at all… The weather report calls for high humidity and at least 104º until next week and my new modem won’t get here til the AC is back up on Tuesday.

But I’ve got my hard drive back and once again Einstein is proved correct… All things are relative.

I’m Still In ISP Hell… Enjoy These Links…

Corkscrew-Balloon Has A Couple Of Goodies… Including The Beloit College Mindset List

The Craziest Shoes From Around The World

Nanny Goats In Panties Has A Beef With Blister Packaging

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench
Online Alarm Clock
10 Most Bizarre Vending Machines in Japan

Earthlink’s Customer Service Is Worse Than Their Tech Support… That’s Pretty Bad.

Here I Am Paying For DSL Service And I’m Sitting In A Mickey D’s To Put This Post Out… Shameful!!!

I’ve been with Earthlink for 12 years and I’ve never been real crazy about their support system… But I’ve put up with it because… Well… Because I’m stupid.

My DSL modem sits there with all lights lit and refuses to let me onto the net… I reboot the thing and it drops the connect 10 minutes later.

So I deal with this for 4 days and finally I get on the horn and I get some overly polite dude in India who sympathizes with me… but basically, he’s a drone who’s reading his lines and can’t deviate from the book by one iota. “Did you reboot sir?”… Yup.

“Let’s try a reset”… says my 1st line hive unit. “Been there…Done That… 40 times already.”… Says I. “Sorry sir”… “We must follow procedure.”

“Self”… I sez to myself… ” Lets humor this guy and we’ll get to the level 2 guy sooner than it’ll take to convince him that you’ve exhausted all avenues before calling.”… But he throws me a curve ball. After the factory reset…He says… “Can you hook up a Windows machine directly to the modem and run it for a couple of hours so we can monitor the line?”… “And use IE by the way.”

This was my silent response.

This was my verbal response… “Dude… This is an all Mac and Firefox operation”… “I told you that from the beginning” … “I need to work… And I need to work with a Mac”… “Specifically… My Mac”… “It’ll take me 20 minutes to go dig out and dust off a Windows box and then I can’t get to my files “… Not to mention the whoop-dee-do the silly thing is gonna to put me through while it downloads 3 months of updates and installs them.”

From that… He deduces that it’s my line that’s screwed up… And that I’ve agreed to hook up the Windows box… ” OK Sir.”… “We’ll monitor the line until tomorrow”…

surprise“Wait!” I squawk… “You said it was only for a couple of hours!”. (Notice how I’d forgotten all about my need to keep my Mac online?)… Devious buggers , those subcontinent tech types.

Sooo… For the next 20 minutes (while I’m digging out the Dell) I’m explaining to this guy all of the troubleshooting I’ve done and the fact that I’m pretty much savvy to any problems that come up, and that I’m pretty sure the modem was in the process of dying….

It was like talking to this guyBrick Wall


I ended up feeling like thisshaved cat

So the following day… I get a call from a slightly higher up drone who tells me that my line had a high noise to signal ratio and that all was fixed and all is well… And would I mind going online for him?… “Oh sure!” sez I… And I jump on the Dell and punch up the url for (what else?)LCO. Then we wait…and we wait.. and we wait some more… And Firefox gives me the old “Try Again?” button.

My new drone’s tone now changes to accusatory… “Are you sure you are hooked up to only one computer?” … “Yes”… “Did you unhook the router?” “Yes”… “OK” sez he…. “Then Something must be wrong.”

Noooo!… You Don’t Say!.. Thinks I astonishment

But what I sez was…“Can you escalate this to someone with authority to make a decision on replacing the modem?”

“OK” sez he… “But first… could you reboot the modem and we try one more thing?”… “Go along with it” I think… Anything to get me to someone who can get this thing back to normal.

So… I reboot the modem and he gives me an IP string to type in and, lo and behold!… I’m at Google’s home page.shock

So now he suggests that maybe I could type in IP addresses instead of like… you know… words.

Along about now… The old BP is up around 195/105.

pressure gaugeSomething’s about to blow!

So I grit my teeth and gently but firmly insist that I absolutely must speak to someone who can authorize a modem swap.

gritted teeth

“OK” sez he… Someone will call me back within a couple of hours… OK Fine.


The Next Day…

I call with the ticket number and a machine tells me that the phone company is still checking my line and that I should call back later.

mad earth I am not a happy camper.

2 Hours Later…

Another overly polite fellow calls and informs me that he’s called all the way from India to inquire whether or not I’m satisfied with the tech support solution and that he’d like to now close the ticket.

And I’m Like…

pissed offpissed off1

“I Want A New Modem.”

And He’s Like… ” Let’s Test It First”

And I’m like …“OK..Fine” OK Fine

So We Test The Modem…testing


AND I’M LIKEthe winner

And Then… He Says…

“That’ll Be $79.95 plus $23.59 shipping.”

$104 for a modem that Best Buy sells for $40?!?!

That’s toadily insane!!

“Well” sez he… “If you buy it at Best Buy”… “We Won’t Support It.” … “No More Tech Support For You.”

So I sez.. You mean that you expect me to pay you 50 -something bucks a month… And I’ve got the exact same model of modem… And you won’t give me any tech support?… I’ve been a customer for 12 years!.. and you won’t give me tech support unless I let you milk me for a piece of equipment?!?

milk woman

“Well”… sez he … “Maybe we could let you have the modem for just the shipping charge if you’ll sign up for a year of Deluxe service.”


“How About I Just Cancel And Sign Up With Qwest?”.. Sez I


“Well… You’ll Have To Call Customer Service To Cancel Sir”… Sez He.

Mandrill“OK -FINE !!” sez I.

And I Called Customer Service… Who promptly put me on hold for 40 minutes.

wait for call

And… As Of This Morning… I’ve Still Got Earthlink As My ISP… But I’ve Already Made Arrangements For Their Replacement… And Guess What?… They Auto Deducted The New Months Payment On The 18th… So Maybe I’m Stuck For Another Month.

But If So… I Can Spend That Month Making Sure That None Of LCO’s 100,000+ Monthly Readers Get Shafted Like I Did.


Blogging Is Soooo Rewarding!

rabbit eats wolf


Seems That I’m Not The Only One Feeling Shafted By Earthlink’s Know Nothing, Dronified, Incompetent, Arrogant And Downright Dishonest Ways… Somebody Cares Enough To Set Up A Dedicated Site And Forum At … This Guy Even Came Up With A Wicked Little Logo…

ELN Devil


This Google Search For “Earthlink Problems”… Turns Up 2.5 million results.

My ISP Is Causing Me To Experience Existential Angst… I’m Sending Them A Box Of Chocolate Anuses.

My ISP Is Balking At Sending Out A Replacement Modem And I’m Dropping My Connection Every 10 Minutes Now… If They Give Me ONE MORE Excuse… I’m Naming Them In A Really Nasty Post… Fortunately…My Cousin Works For Them And Reads This Blog Regularly…
chocolate anus

Hey Ray!… Can You Help A Fella Out?!?!?


Does This Bicyclist Have OCD Or What?…

Bike locks

Isn’t She Just Adorable?!?!

adorable girl

I’ve Lived Through All Of These Styles… I Need A Drink!









Emo – Goth Valentine… I’m Thinking…EEewwww!!

To Mrs. FourEyes… I’d take a bullet for ya sweetie… But I ain’t cutting myself for ya.

Emo valentine

My ISP Is On My Sh*t List… Couldn’t Post All Day…

I Tried Posting  At Midnite…


And Then Again At Noon…


This Is How I Felt By 11pm…


Using A Segway To Push A Baby Stroller… This Just Seems Wrong…

segway stroller

Pop Goes The Weasel… Ever Wondered Why The Weasel Goes “Pop?”

Round and round the cobbler’s bench
The monkey chased the weasel,
The monkey thought ’twas all in fun
Pop! Goes the weasel.

A penny for a spool of thread
A penny for a needle,
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop! Goes the weasel.

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop goes the weasel.

There has been much debate over the years about the meaning of Pop Goes The Weasel. A hugely popular music-hall song, its memorable and seemingly nonsensical lyrics spread like wildfire throughout Victorian London.

But is there more to the rhyme than meets the eye? In the 1680s, the poor and immigrants lived outside the walls of the City of London in Spitalfields, Hoxton and Shoreditch and slaved away in London’s textile industry, which was based there.

Packed with sweatshops, it was also the site of many music halls and theatres.

One theory suggests that Pop Goes The Weasel was an attempt to turn the grim reality of local people’s lives into a hit song.

In the textile industry, a spinner’s weasel was a mechanical thread-measuring device in the shape of a spoked wheel, that accurately measured out yarn by making a popping sound to indicate the correct length had been reached.

The mind-numbing and repetitive nature of the work is captured in the final line of each verse, indicating that whatever you were doing, or wherever your mind had wandered to, reality was never far away with the weasel to pop you alert again.

Rules For When You Rule The World… Or… Evil Overlord 101…

It seems that over and over again… Some poor schmuck fights his or her way to the top of the heap and stands at the edge of being the ruler of the world/galaxy/universe… Then they blow it by overlooking some teeny tiny detail that the hero takes advantage of and down topples the master plan.

Here are a few rules for you ambitious types who are currently plotting to become the top dog… Read…Memorize…Follow to the letter… And you might just succeed.

This list is only 10 of 100… The rest are found HERE 

  1. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum – a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
  2. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
  3. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
  4. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
  5. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
  6. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
  7. I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
  8. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought, I’ll shoot him and then say “No.”
  9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
  10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, “Danger: Don Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.

 90 More Rules HERE 

In Memory Of My Brother… Who’s Been Gone 2 Years On 8/14… We Miss You Larry.

If This Babyfaced S.O.B. Is Packing Heat… We’re All In Trouble.


I Wonder How Many Kittens I’ve Been Responsible For?…

kills kittens