Today’s Insults

You are a shockingly uncivilized yokel and a flaccid, sock-sucking scourge of decency. – unknown

You are a woefully narcissistic yokel and a demented, coma-inducing gruesome vista to all eyes assaulted by the sight of you. – unknown

You are a grievously unsightly malefactor and a gluttonous, air-polluting piece of excrement attached to a dog’s posterior. – unknown

You are an egregiously loathsome sloven and a vapid, all-befouling proof that test tube experiments can go horribly wrong. – unknown

Joke – The Internet

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was “GoofyMickeyMinniePluto and so I asked why it was so long.
“Because, my son explained, “they said it had to have at least four characters.

16 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn

1- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

2- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

4- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

7- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

9- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

11- You should not confuse your career with your life.

12- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

13- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

15- Your friends love you, anyway.

16- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.