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Los Cuatro Ojos
Some Days You’re The Dog… Some Days You’re The Hydrant.
Why I Fired My Admin Assistant…
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went
downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy birthday!”,
and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday”.
I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast
and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my Admin, Laura said, “Good morning boss, happy birthday!”
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock and then Laura knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s
such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”.
I said, “Thanks Laura, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a
little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal
tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Laura said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t
need to go back to the office, do we?”
I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”
She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”… Woo Hoo I Thought!
After arriving at her apartment Laura turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m
going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back”.
“OK”, I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge
birthday cake… followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all
singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch…
Naked…
Understanding Physics With Animation…Flash Animations for Physics…
This site has flash animations for all kinds of stuff… From “how to read a micrometer” to “how does a cat land on it’s feet?”
Flash Animations for Physics
The Cat’s Handbook… DO NOT LET YOUR CAT SEE YOU READING THIS!…
YOU WOULD BE WELL ADVISED TO ERASE YOUR BROWSER HISTORY AFTER GOING TO THIS WEBSITE… It contains information that your cat would be obliged to kill you over.
- If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human’s bare foot.
- When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
- The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!
- Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can’t play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.
- Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.
- When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
Read more HERE
Memory Improvement Techniques… How To Remember Anything…
These tools help you remember people’s names more effectively, improve your recall of information in exams, increase the speed with which you can learn vocabulary, and help you in situations where you need to remember detailed, structured information.
10 Weird Facts…
- Every year about 98% of atoms in your body are replaced.
- Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. president to have been born in a hospital?
- If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
- The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
- The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law that stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
- Cat’s urine glows under a blacklight.
- Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
- It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine in Arizona
- In Hartford, CT - It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday..
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