Intelligent Design?… Evolution?… Or Maybe….

Thanks Alf!

From Sue in Tacoma

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!  What is the difference between
a Harley and a

Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs

What’s the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What’s the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to

West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?

Breasts don’t have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What’s the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit”

Why is there no Disneyland in

China ?

No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

Keys to Maximum Security Iowa Prison Sold on EBay

ANAMOSA, Iowa – A 135-year-old penitentiary changed some of its locks after keys to the maximum-security prison were apparently sold on eBay.

The keys belonged to a locksmith who retired from Anamosa State Penitentiary in 1974. He died two years later and when his wife died last year, an auctioneer was hired to sell off the estate, which included the keys.

Someone bought the keys and put them on eBay. Most appear to be antiques.

Jerry Burt, the prison’s warden, said prison staff members told him about the keys after they attended the auction, not knowing the keys were there.

“I checked eBay and they were listed,” Burt said. “We didn’t know anything about the auction beforehand.”

Burt said some locks at the eastern Iowa prison have been changed since 1974 while others haven’t, prompting the recent change.

“We did it as a precaution,” Burt said.

Md. Town Tells Park Visitors to BYOTP

What is with the scarcity of toilet paper these days?.. first the prisons…. Now this!… Is there something I don’t know about?

Couple Who Stole From Mob Get Whacked

The couple liked to rob Mafia-run social clubs in Little Italy and elsewhere around the city, which, as just about everyone knows, is a really good way to get killed.

They even had the audacity to force mobsters to drop their pants as they swiped their cash and jewelry and cleaned out their card games.

The holdups proved predictably hazardous: The Uvas got whacked on Christmas Eve. (continued)

Today’s Insults

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you’re out of paper! – unknown

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.- anonymous

She’s got a body that won’t quit and a brain that won’t start. – unknown