Had Surgery Today

The posts are a bit loopy today… I’m a bit loopy my self… I had outpatient surgery today and I’m a bit doped up. Ahh… Painkillers! The human brain does love opiates… doesn’t it?


Ever Wonder About Numerology?


I was complaining the other day… Then I got This…

The Price of Children

Something absolutely positive for a change. I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It’s nice.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn’t even include college tuition.

But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month, or
* $171.08 a week.
* That’s a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don’t have children if you want to be “rich.” Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoon s,
* going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay or Mother’s Day, and cards with backward letters for Father’s Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:

* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:

* first step,
* first word,
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you’re lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So . . one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Love and enjoy your children and grandchildren!

~To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World~

Well….Since you put it that way.

From Daryl

While in China, Fred is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Fred to return in two days for the results.

Fred returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you — you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.”

Fred looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.”

The doctor answers: “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

Fred screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.”

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.”

The next day, Fred seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”

Fred says to the doctor: “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: “Stupid American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”

“Oh, Thank goodness!” Fred replies.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “You no worry! Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself! You save money.

Today’s Insults

I don’t think you’re a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others? – unknown

“We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.” – Robert Wilensky

Your momma’s mouth is so big she speaks in surround sound. - anonymous

I’d like to break the monotony; where’s your weakest point?
- anonymous