I’m getting a heart catheterization… Wednesday.
They’ll strap me down like a death row inmate and pump me full of a slightly radioactive fluid… But woe is me! I don’t get the knock out drops before the lethal concoction flows.
On the other hand… I get to look the Dr. in the eye with an accusing glare every time I feel a twitch.
To what do I owe this great honor?… No body knows.
Last Friday my buddy Eugene drops by and we have a few shots of Mount Gay Mango Rum while I’m fiddling with his hard drive… Never let a 13 year old use your laptop when there are open cans of soda around.
So it gets late and Gene says he’ll stop back by on Saturday.. We have two more pops and he takes off and I hit the rack.
Saturday dawns bright and early and as soon as I open my eyes… I know I’ve had one too many… Head is pounding!
Alka-Seltzer Here I come!
Two hours later… Pound…Pound… Pound!… Did I take my pressure pill?!?
Let’s check the ol’ BP any how… 199/134… Oops!
Calling Dr. Chris… “Mornin’ Doc! I’m about to blow a gasket!” says I.
“Don’t tell me… A few nightcaps…Right?” … “Just a few” sez I. “You’ve been taking your BP pills?”… “You Betcha!” (God’s Honest Truth)… “Anything else?”… “Chest Pain?”… “Nothing more than a bit of heartburn” sez I.
“OK” says the good Dr…. “Double up on your regular dose and keep checking and let me know how things look in around three hours”… “Can Do!”… “Thanks!”
Draggy morning… But I’ve got 3 laptops staring at me with their accusing, slow, blinky sleep eyes…. One for Okinawa… One for Atlanta and One for Eugene.
So I swap out the hard drive from the Atlanta machine into Eugene’s… Easy enough… Then I notice that the normally fuzzy vision is fuzzy-er… And the glasses are relatively clean… What’s more… Is that the familiar blood pressure pressure on the ears is giving everything a slight bass whoomp!!
Yes it is.
199/138… Going to die.
Call the Doc.
He tweaks and changes dosages… I fix computers… Finally… He snaps.
Get your butt to the ER!
#1 Son hauls me off to the ER… They slap an EKG on me and Lo and Behold!… Inverted T-Waves!
Well then Mr FourEyes… Welcome to the Cardiac Care Floor!… Have some morphine!… Have some Ativan!… Not enough Morphine?… Have More!…. We’ve got lots!!
And don’t forget to try the Percocet… Lovely vintage!… Oh Wait!…. What’s
Percocet without a Valium chaser?… Please forgive our manners.
I feel like I’m wearing a baseball cap… I’m not… But it needs adjusting anyway.
Did I Mention The 10mg Of Methodone They Keep Pushing For The Back Pain because I can’t lay on my side or stomach?
And Why Is It That Somebody keeps playing “Hotel California?”