Los Cuatro Ojos

Deserted beehives, starving young stun scientists

Deserted Beehives, Starving Young Stun Scientists
By Dan Vergano and Patrick O’Driscoll
USA Today Tuesday 01 May 2007

“The bees were gone,” David Hackenberg says. “The honey was still there. There’s young brood (eggs) still in the hive. Bees just don’t do that.”

On that November night last year in the Florida field where he wintered his bees, Hackenberg found 400 hives empty. Another 30 hives were “disappearing, dwindling or whatever you want to call it,” and their bees were “full of a fungus nobody’s ever seen before.”

The discovery by Hackenberg, 58, a beekeeper from Lewisburg, Pa., was the first buzz about a plague that now afflicts 27 states, from the East Coast to the West. Beekeepers report losses of 30% to 90% of their honeybee hives, according to a Congressional Research Service study in March. Some report total losses.

Now a nationwide investigation, congressional panels and last week’s U.S. Department of Agriculture scientific workshop swarm around the newly named “colony collapse disorder.” Says the USDA’s Kevin Hackett, “With more dead and weakened colonies, the odds are building up for real problems.” (MORE)

Thai Buddha Images for the Days of the Week

From very early times, Thai laypersons have assigned traditional styles and attitudes of Buddha images to specific days of the week. A devotee might keep in their house or work place the image assigned to his/her birth day of the week. This is purely folk belief. The image’s attitude or posture portrays different events in the Buddha’s life, according to parables that were written well after he entered parinibbana around 543 BC. During his lifetime Buddha did not encourage believers to create statues in his image. He did allow the wheel of Dhamma law to be created to remind his followers of spreading the virtues of Dhamma. Buddha images assigned to represent the Days of the Week were derived much later. At a temple these images are arranged on a long counter at which believers pay respect by dropping coins in collection dishes. The sight of a Buddha image brings a sense of peace; It gives the hope that one may attain the same pure joy that emanates from the figures. (MORE)

Today’s Insults

Your brain cells are on the Endangered Species list - Ronnie

Your momma’s so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D. – anonymous

His garments are rich but he wears them not handsomely. – Shakespeare

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair. – anonymous

You’re a mouse studying to be a rat.- Wilson Mizner

The Difference between Men and Women

Boys and Girls learn to use their hands differently early on

Today’s Insults

You wouldn’t know Up from Down if you had three guesses. – Al in San Francisco

Trying to get something of value out of your posts is like trying to squeeze orange juice out of an apple. – MacAddict

You pole-smoking, brother-humping, panty-licking, pus-gobbling, zit-nibbling, wank-brained scuzzbucket! – Mike from GA

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?- Charles Pierce

And Then There’s Auntie – Part Two

So now we’ve made it into the Wal Mart and I’ve got a list… Well… My daughter’s got the list… well… She had the list… My head hurts… Turns out she dropped the list at the store entrance while kicking her brother… She runs off to retrieve it… In the meantime… I’m wondering… ” If she knows exactly where she dropped it… why did she not pick it up then?” My head hurts more.

Now Auntie is very protective of the little princess… VERY protective! “Why are you letting her wander around the Wal Mart all by herself?!” she wails, in a voice that has the nearest clerk eyeing us suspiciously. “She’s gonna get kidnapped!” Doesn’t matter that I can see the girl from where I’m standing… “Hurry up kid!!” I’m thinking… “She’s gonna blow”… I can tell by the way Auntie’s hands are fluttering around the fanny pack that there’s gonna be a meltdown real soon if’n the kid is not within touching range in about 30 seconds… She makes it… Auntie checks her for missing limbs and we move on.

This is a Super Wal Mart… Milk waaaay to the left… in the back… Everything else we need… waaaay to the right. Did I mentions Auntie’s bad back? We’re still at the front of the store… We can still leave… We don’t.

Milk first! We head right down the center of the store… 30 feet in there’s cookies… Chips Ahoy! “Dad!.. Dad!… Why can’t we get cookies?” “Forget it” I growl… By the time we make the left turn, there are 4 packages of Chips Ahoy! in the cart and Auntie is assuring me that the cookies are hers… did I mention Auntie is diabetic?

On the way to the milk… The kids argue…wander… beg… plead… run each other over… bump into at least three people… and we lose Auntie… Auntie’s wandered off into a side aisle and is fingering a pair of red Crocs in a size 12 when we find her… Of course, she hasn’t answered the kid’s repeated screeches of ” AUNTIE!!”… “AUNTIE!!”… Not even when we are 10 feet away.

We reach the milk 30 minutes after we walked through the door… There’s a kids shirt, a dress and a 12 pack of Bounty paper towels in one of the carts by now… All courtesy of Auntie… Did I mention the 40 rolls of Bounty paper towels already at the house?

We now need dog food, cat food, cat litter, fish food, a collar and ID tag for the new cat (our 4th), deodorant, band aids and light bulbs.

Two and half hours later… I’m shepherding 3 carts, and my 3 charges towards the checkout lanes… All are grumpy… and hungry… And Auntie needs a smoke. Of course… This being Wal Mart… There is not one lane with less than 300 people in line… We pick the one closest to where #2 son runs over my toe with 100 pounds of dog food… Did I mention my ingrown toenail?

Now… We go through the ritual of the line… the kids dash back and forth grabbing and begging for all of the little geegaws that some devious mind at Wal Mart Central has decreed be placed around the registers. Auntie is in Tabloid Heaven… She’s got time to read maybe 3… And while it takes her mind off of cigarettes… I have to be informed of every pound that Oprah has gained and that the Antichrist lives in a trailer park in Kansas and that wrinkles can be cured by a preparation originally discovered by the ancient Egyptians that consists of crocodile dung and beaver fat… This is all gospel as far as Auntie is concerned… Just like Ed McMann’s promises that she’s gonna win $10 million any day now… Of course… Between articles… Auntie is busy approving various and sundry items that I’ve told the children they can’t have.

$287 later… They’re all begging to hit the McDonald’s by the exit… “To go only!” I moan. I’m beaten down into a mere shadow of the guy who looked out of the mirror at me this morning… I’m not sure I’m gonna make it out to the parking lot at this point… let alone home… Please God… Don’t let me die at the Wal Mart! God answers my prayer… Only because He’s got further tribulations for me to endure… We’ve still got to get this stuff home. There’s almost 300 pounds of pet supplies alone in them there carts!

We’re out the door and into traffic with the carts when #2 son yells “DAD!!”… He’s been snagged by the little old lady at the door looking for a receipt… She won’t let him out… Did I mention that I told her that I had 3 carts when she checked my receipt?… Never mind. I park Auntie and the Princess in the cart aisle and head in to rescue the boy… I look back and Auntie’s lighting up.

By the time the boy and I reach the other two… Auntie’s on her second smoke and the girl child has spilled a red slurpee down the front of the white shirt and tan pants she’s wearing… And since there’s no more slurpee… she’s busily digging through the bags for some other sugar laden item to consume… #2 son now feels deprived and an argument ensues regarding what’s fair and what’s not… I’m called in to mediate. Auntie over rules me… cookies are passed out… Another cig is lit… We’re still 50 yards from the van… I’m sure I can feel the left side of my face drooping… Is this what it feels like to have a stroke?

More later.

Part ONE

Part Three

And Then There’s Auntie

So I take the three kids to Wal Mart yesterday… #2 Son …who’s 12… The 9 year old daughter… And Auntie… She’s 80.

The minute we got into the van… They started arguing over who’s going to sit where. Now… Auntie’s got her fav seat and the kids will grab it just to get her started. Five full minutes of “MOVE!!” … “No, YOU MOVE!!” … “That’s MY seat!!” … “Tell her / him to MOVE!!!” … “STOP!!” … “MINE!!!” … “Cut it OUT!!” more than got on my nerves… I was ready to throw them all out. I didn’t

Any way… Got them settled in and got on the road… Then the touching started. Auntie yelled louder than either of the young’uns. As soon as one of the little ones would yell “STOP TOUCHING ME!!” Auntie yells “STOP TOUCHING HIM / HER!!!”… As we crossed the bridge over the interstate… Guess what I was thinking?

So… We make it to Wal Mart with no major injuries and I don’t wreck the van… (Now… In case you’re thinking that I was a passive bystander… I wasn’t… There were the usual threats and admonitions to “sit still”… “Be quiet”… “Don’t make me come back there!”… All the routine stuff… But how do you work in a threat of a time out to an 80 year old?… Respect for the elders and all being taken into the equation.) … Soooo… we’re now in the parking lot… And all three of them make a mad dash to grab a cart… Which promptly devolves into an argument of who’s gonna push the cart… All aimed at me.

The boy says he’s the best choice cause he’s the strongest… OK… We are here to buy a couple hundred pounds of dog food.

The girl puts on her best Daddy’s Little Girl face and pouts that she should push the cart until the dog food goes in cause she won’t be able to push the heavy thing after it’s loaded… Good argument sweetie… Daddy’s little princess is sooo smart in’t she?

Auntie counters with… They’re too wild!… they’ll run people over!… The boy’s mind wanders too easily and the girl’s not got enough experience!… Besides… Auntie needs something to lean on… Sigh.

“OK”… I say doing my best imitation of Solomon the Wise… “Here’s what we’re gonna do” … ” Since we’re getting four 50 pound bags… We’ll use two carts.” Auntie… You get one until its full then I’ll push it… Little Girl… You get to push the other until it’s full and then your brother will take over… But in the meantime he’ll help you steer through the crowd… Everybody good with that?… Let’s roll!

Ten feet from the van… # 2 son screeches… ” Ow… she ran over my foot!”… Auntie stops right in back of a backing out car and walks away from her cart to tend to the wounded boy. The driver of the car blows his horn and Auntie freezes and seems to have forgotten which direction to go… She is now turning around in a circle apparently trying to decide which is more important… The cart or the kid. The kid meanwhile has forgotten all about his foot and is yelling at Auntie to move the cart!

The daughter is now fully engaged in a contest to see who can yell the loudest… Then… I join in by calling out to Auntie… “Hey!… Move the cart!” BIG MISTAKE!!! Auntie now goes into overload mode… She has to reboot like a pre-Pentium windows 95 machine. If she had a screen it would be blue… She stops where she’s at and stares… Her hand goes towards the fanny pack… She’s reaching for a cigarette! … The horn is blowing! CRAP! CRAP!… CRAP! I think… maybe I said it out loud… I don’t know. I do remember thinking.. “We’re not even in the store yet… We can still go home.”… We don’t.

I jog over and grab the cart and mouth “Sorry” to the man in the car…. I give the kids one of my special reserve glares and imperiously point at the store entrance… They shut up and move. I take Auntie by the arm and gently guide her to the sidewalk while pulling the empty cart behind us. Years of experience tell me that Auntie is useless now until she sucks down a cancer stick… We’ll wait.

Of course, the kids are now in the front lobby… Blocking traffic and arguing… people are glaring at them. I tell Auntie to wait by the cart and I’ll be right back… She looks at me and blinks… and puffs… I take off.

I drag the young’uns out side and we wait for Auntie to re-boot… She’s shaken …So I should take her home… But do I? Of course not! From this moment on… Any consequences are on my head.

More Later.

Part TWO

Part Three

We’re still working on this thing!

I’ve changed the template to see if I can get something closer to what I want for this blog… I’m no html guy so I’m kind of running blind. I think I’m going to look for some professional help to get it exactly where I want it.

Then… I can POST AWAY!

BE Patient!… Keep Coming Back

Today’s Insults

Of all the people I’ve met you’re certainly one of them. – unknown

She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face. – unknown

The finest woman that ever walked the streets.- Mae West

You have the face of a saint. Saint Bernard, that is – anonymous

Today’s Insults

What a brazen faced varlet art thou. – Shakespeare

 I see that you set this time aside to humiliate yourself. – Unknown

There’s two things I really hate about you: your face! – unknown

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high. – Kely from Phoenix

My Friend Sherry thinks I can still be saved

With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.

For Sherry – A Re-post!

The Great Taste of Human Flesh, Without the Guilt

So what does human flesh taste like? Their FAQ says, “If you’ve never had human flesh before, think of the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.” (MORE)

Eau de Daddy Means Later Periods

The pheromones produced by biological fathers may influence a girl’s sexual maturity
Your dad is a man whose babies you do not want to bear. It is gross, criminal in many countries, and would be genetically ruinous for your consanguineous offspring.

What’s more, this ancient evolutionary no-no seems to have startling modern day implications for female maturation. A study of 2,000 US college girls published in the American Journal of Human Biology in July 2006 shows that daughters who grow up without their fathers tend to have their first period earlier than those who blossom under their dad’s wing. Robert Matchock, who led the retrospective survey at Pennsylvania State University Altoona, believes there is a mechanism at play here that helps prevent inbreeding.
(MORE)

An Intelligent Designer on the Cow

Our Creator’s stream of consciousness while fabricating the cow

Today, I feel like doing a plant …  no, an animal. Yes, today, I am going to make an animal. And it will be a masterpiece. I shall call it the…. No wait! Maybe I should think of the name later. Yes, you should always name your pieces after you have completed them. Better that way.
(MORE)

And we won’t even get a kiss or a cuddle!

Intelligent Design?… Evolution?… Or Maybe….

Thanks Alf!

From Sue in Tacoma

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!  What is the difference between
a Harley and a

The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What’s the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What’s the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What’s the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit”

Why is there no Disneyland in

No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

Keys to Maximum Security Iowa Prison Sold on EBay

ANAMOSA, Iowa – A 135-year-old penitentiary changed some of its locks after keys to the maximum-security prison were apparently sold on eBay.

The keys belonged to a locksmith who retired from Anamosa State Penitentiary in 1974. He died two years later and when his wife died last year, an auctioneer was hired to sell off the estate, which included the keys.

Someone bought the keys and put them on eBay. Most appear to be antiques.

Jerry Burt, the prison’s warden, said prison staff members told him about the keys after they attended the auction, not knowing the keys were there.

“I checked eBay and they were listed,” Burt said. “We didn’t know anything about the auction beforehand.”

Burt said some locks at the eastern Iowa prison have been changed since 1974 while others haven’t, prompting the recent change.

“We did it as a precaution,” Burt said.

Md. Town Tells Park Visitors to BYOTP

What is with the scarcity of toilet paper these days?.. first the prisons…. Now this!… Is there something I don’t know about?

Couple Who Stole From Mob Get Whacked

The couple liked to rob Mafia-run social clubs in Little Italy and elsewhere around the city, which, as just about everyone knows, is a really good way to get killed.

They even had the audacity to force mobsters to drop their pants as they swiped their cash and jewelry and cleaned out their card games.

The holdups proved predictably hazardous: The Uvas got whacked on Christmas Eve. (continued)

Today’s Insults

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you’re out of paper! – unknown

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.- anonymous

She’s got a body that won’t quit and a brain that won’t start. – unknown

What if this really is Cell Phones? Will you give up Yours?

Unless someone or something stops it soon, the mysterious killer that is wiping out many of the nation’s honeybees could have a devastating effect on America’s dinner plate, perhaps even reducing us to a glorified bread-and-water diet.

Honeybees don’t just make honey; they pollinate more than 90 of the tastiest flowering crops we have. Among them: apples, nuts, avocados, soybeans, asparagus, broccoli, celery, squash and cucumbers. And lots of the really sweet and tart stuff, too, including citrus fruit, peaches, kiwi, cherries, blueberries, cranberries, strawberries, cantaloupe and other melons.

In fact, about one-third of the human diet comes from insect-pollinated plants, and the honeybee is responsible for 80 percent of that pollination, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. (continued)

WELCOME!!

If you can see the green borders and the tunnel… You see the new layout… I’ve had a few glitches here and there… But I’m working on it.

Let me know if you don’t see anything but a plain white backround.