OK… So Barack Obama is a blood relative of Dick Cheney. There… I’ve written it. And I didn’t puke onto my keyboard. Although I did have to throw a way a perfectly good McGriddle sandwich when I first contemplated commenting on it… When I first heard this… I thought… Those GOP’ers have gone one toke over the line… They must be high! … But it’s apparently true. I’ll bet Barack needs to toke on something right about now.
This throws a serious monkey wrench into my voting strategy… See… I convinced myself that the Democratic ticket will be Clinton/Obama… And I was good with that. This registered Independent had put the election to bed in his poor fevered mind.
Maybe not so much.
I like Hillary… More so because we kind of get Bill back when she’s elected than anything else… But she’s smart and capable on her own too. But I decided long ago that Obama lacks a bit in the experience department for the top job just yet… But with eight years as V.P. under his belt?.. Well … Yeah. And he was a great back up candidate as far as I was concerned … You know… Just in case the “vast right wing conspiracy” finds a way to sink Hillary… An Obama / Richardson ticket would have worked for me too.
But now… All kinds of crazy stuff flies through my mind about this poor guy. First and foremost… Pure D sympathy! It’s bad enough that he’s got to put up with dumb sh*t like people questioning whether he’s black enough… And that his middle name is Hussein. But related to Dick “Shotgun” Cheney?!? That may win him Iowa… But 99% of Dems are headed for the hills! Hillary has got to be looking real hard at Bill Richardson now. And anybody asking about Obama having a tail might get a pass on the racial tip after this.
You gotta feel sorry for Barack though… He just found out that in all likelihood… He’s related to Beelzebub himself… How do you explain to your wife that your cute little daughters might develop cloven hoofs at puberty? Poor Michelle! How is she supposed to handle the possibility that future family reunions could include the Lord of the Flies, Sauron, Baal, (Tlaloc), (Moloch), Lord Voldemort and Granpa Satan? What the hell do you put on that buffet table? Puppy fritters? Kitten tenders?.. She’s definitely gonna need this recipe for (baby soup) . (WARNING-!! THIS IS VERY VERY GROSS AND GRAPHIC!)
One night you go to bed and you’re seriously in the running to be the next POTUS… And you wake up to find that Ol’ Scratch Himself is most likely your great granddaddy… Beelzebub is your cousin and you might be the AntiChrist… Talk about a buzzkill… Unless Hussein is Arabic for Damien.