Can’t Understand Why My Daughter Won’t Sleep With Her New Stuffed Toy…


Contradictory Quotes… Something For All The Waffle-ers Out There

1. Look before you leap
He who hesitates is lost

2. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again
Don’t beat your head against a brick wall

3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind

4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Don’t cross the bridge until you come to it

5. Two heads are better than one
Paddle your own canoe

6. More haste less speed
Time waits for no man

7. You’re never too old to learn
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

8. A word to the wise is sufficient
Talk is cheap

9. It’s better to be safe than sorry
Nothing ventured, nothing gained

10. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

11. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Nice guys finish last

12. Hitch your wagon to a star
Don’t bite off more than you can chew

13. Many hands make light work
Too many cooks spoil the broth

14. Don’t judge a book by its cover
Clothes make the man

15. The squeaking wheel gets the grease
Silence is golden

16. Birds of a feather flock together
Opposites attract

17. The pen is mightier than the sword
Actions speak louder than words

I’m Pretty Sure This Is How Dick Cheney Controls Mr. Bush.

parasite roachAmpulex compressa is a wasp that has evolved to tackle roaches, insert a stinger into their brains and disable their escape reflexes. This lets the wasp use the roach’s antennae to steer the roach to its lair, where it can lay its egg in it. Parasite Rex author Carl Zimmer tells the story in gooey, graphic detail: (Read More)

Is Your Mom Or GrandMa In This Situation?

rotaryphoneThe Associated Press tells the tale of a woman who rented her phone rather than buy it. She rented it for a very long time, 42 years. Ultimately she paid $14,000 for the privilege! Her family recently discovered this and became angry. They put a stop to the rip-off and replaced her phone with a purchased, modern variety. The woman may never speak to them again, via phone or in person!

$14,000 is a lot of scratch unless you perform the simple mathematical operation of dividing it by 42 years. They don’t teach that in schools anymore! But doing it yields just $333 per year or $28 per month. Most kids pay double that rate for the privilege of a “FREE mobile phone” these days!

The AP reports, customers could have opted out of their leases in 1985 but almost a million people did not. A spokesman for “the phone company” says, “We will continue to lease sets as long as there is a demand for them.” And there are benefits to leasing like free replacements and newer models whenever a customer chooses.

The woman in question now has an extra few bucks each month but if her phone malfunctions, as all electronic gadgets do, she’ll have to wait for someone to drive her to the store, when it is convenient for them, so she can purchase a replacement. She better put her new savings into a lockbox! Oh, and by the way, the woman doesn’t care for the newfangled push-button phone. She says, “I’d like to have my rotary back. I like that better.”

I Am Definitely A GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE… My Two Youngest Children Are HEBEPHRENIC… I Am A Big Fan Of LIBBERWORT… My Wife Constantly Accuses Me Of MEUPAREUNIA… And I Am Sometimes Guilty Of ONIOCHALASIA.

23 Obscure and Obsolete Words

The average adult recognizes 30,000 to 50,000 words, but only uses 10,000 to 15,000. However, there are actually about 1 million words in the English language, some of which – although obscure, forgotten, or rarely used – are worth reviving.

  1. BOANTHROPY – A type of insanity in which a man thinks he is an ox.
  2. CHANTEPLEURE – To sing and weep at the same time.
  3. DIBBLE – To drink like a duck, lifting up the head after each sip.
  4. EOSOPHOBIA – Fear of dawn.
  5. EUGERIA – Normal and happy old age.
  6. EUNEIROPHRENIA – Peace of mind after a pleasant dream.
  7. EYESERVICE – Work done only when the boss is watching.
  8. FELLOWFEEL – To crawl into the skin of another person so as to share his feelings, to empathise with.
  9. GROAK – To watch people silently while they are eating, hoping they will ask you to join them.
  10. GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE – One who likes to nibble on a woman’s earlobes.
  11. HEBEPHRENIC – A condition of adolescent silliness.
  12. IATROGENIC – Illness or disease caused by doctors or by prescribed treatment.
  13. LAPLING – Someone who enjoys resting in women’s laps.
  14. LIBBERWORT – Food or drink that makes one idle and stupid, food of no nutritional value, `junk food’.
  15. MEUPAREUNIA – A sexual act gratifying to only one participant.
  16. NEANIMORPHIC – Looking younger than one’s years.
  17. ONIOCHALASIA – Buying as a means of mental relaxation.
  18. PARNEL – A priest’s mistress.
  19. PERISTEROPHOBIA – Fear of pigeons.
  20. PILGARLIC – A bald head that looks like a peeled garlic.
  21. PREANTEPENULTIMATE – Fourth from last.
  22. RESISTENTIALISM – Seemingly spiteful behaviour manifested by inanimate objects.
  23. SUPPEDANEUM – A foot support for crucifix victims.