Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.
“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” “Oh,Bill, you didn’t.” “Yes, I did.” “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?
“Oh…she got fired too.”
12. I Hate Coffee–It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
11. Suicide is a way of telling God ‘you can’t fire me, I QUIT!’
10. A fool and his money are soon partying
9. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them
8. I have a problem with drinking… two hands and only one mouth
7. Give Blood Play Hockey
6. Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
5. I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
4. Forget about world peace…visualize using your turn signal
3. Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
2. If there is a tourist season, why can’t we shoot them
And the number 1 bumper sticker is…
1. Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more… There is a hush within the congregation… No one wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, ‘If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!’
The congregation sighs in relief and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says… ‘If the Preacher will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!’
More sighs and loud applause!
Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile… ‘If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!’
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her … ‘Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?’
Sadie’s 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies
‘Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said… ‘Screw the Preacher!’