Contradictory Quotes… Something For All The Waffle-ers Out There

1. Look before you leap
He who hesitates is lost

2. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again
Don’t beat your head against a brick wall

3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind

4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Don’t cross the bridge until you come to it

5. Two heads are better than one
Paddle your own canoe

6. More haste less speed
Time waits for no man

7. You’re never too old to learn
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

8. A word to the wise is sufficient
Talk is cheap

9. It’s better to be safe than sorry
Nothing ventured, nothing gained

10. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

11. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Nice guys finish last

12. Hitch your wagon to a star
Don’t bite off more than you can chew

13. Many hands make light work
Too many cooks spoil the broth

14. Don’t judge a book by its cover
Clothes make the man

15. The squeaking wheel gets the grease
Silence is golden

16. Birds of a feather flock together
Opposites attract

17. The pen is mightier than the sword
Actions speak louder than words

I’m Pretty Sure This Is How Dick Cheney Controls Mr. Bush.

parasite roachAmpulex compressa is a wasp that has evolved to tackle roaches, insert a stinger into their brains and disable their escape reflexes. This lets the wasp use the roach’s antennae to steer the roach to its lair, where it can lay its egg in it. Parasite Rex author Carl Zimmer tells the story in gooey, graphic detail: (Read More)

Is Your Mom Or GrandMa In This Situation?

rotaryphoneThe Associated Press tells the tale of a woman who rented her phone rather than buy it. She rented it for a very long time, 42 years. Ultimately she paid $14,000 for the privilege! Her family recently discovered this and became angry. They put a stop to the rip-off and replaced her phone with a purchased, modern variety. The woman may never speak to them again, via phone or in person!

$14,000 is a lot of scratch unless you perform the simple mathematical operation of dividing it by 42 years. They don’t teach that in schools anymore! But doing it yields just $333 per year or $28 per month. Most kids pay double that rate for the privilege of a “FREE mobile phone” these days!

The AP reports, customers could have opted out of their leases in 1985 but almost a million people did not. A spokesman for “the phone company” says, “We will continue to lease sets as long as there is a demand for them.” And there are benefits to leasing like free replacements and newer models whenever a customer chooses.

The woman in question now has an extra few bucks each month but if her phone malfunctions, as all electronic gadgets do, she’ll have to wait for someone to drive her to the store, when it is convenient for them, so she can purchase a replacement. She better put her new savings into a lockbox! Oh, and by the way, the woman doesn’t care for the newfangled push-button phone. She says, “I’d like to have my rotary back. I like that better.”

I Am Definitely A GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE… My Two Youngest Children Are HEBEPHRENIC… I Am A Big Fan Of LIBBERWORT… My Wife Constantly Accuses Me Of MEUPAREUNIA… And I Am Sometimes Guilty Of ONIOCHALASIA.

23 Obscure and Obsolete Words

The average adult recognizes 30,000 to 50,000 words, but only uses 10,000 to 15,000. However, there are actually about 1 million words in the English language, some of which – although obscure, forgotten, or rarely used – are worth reviving.

  1. BOANTHROPY – A type of insanity in which a man thinks he is an ox.
  2. CHANTEPLEURE – To sing and weep at the same time.
  3. DIBBLE – To drink like a duck, lifting up the head after each sip.
  4. EOSOPHOBIA – Fear of dawn.
  5. EUGERIA – Normal and happy old age.
  6. EUNEIROPHRENIA – Peace of mind after a pleasant dream.
  7. EYESERVICE – Work done only when the boss is watching.
  8. FELLOWFEEL – To crawl into the skin of another person so as to share his feelings, to empathise with.
  9. GROAK – To watch people silently while they are eating, hoping they will ask you to join them.
  10. GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE – One who likes to nibble on a woman’s earlobes.
  11. HEBEPHRENIC – A condition of adolescent silliness.
  12. IATROGENIC – Illness or disease caused by doctors or by prescribed treatment.
  13. LAPLING – Someone who enjoys resting in women’s laps.
  14. LIBBERWORT – Food or drink that makes one idle and stupid, food of no nutritional value, `junk food’.
  15. MEUPAREUNIA – A sexual act gratifying to only one participant.
  16. NEANIMORPHIC – Looking younger than one’s years.
  17. ONIOCHALASIA – Buying as a means of mental relaxation.
  18. PARNEL – A priest’s mistress.
  19. PERISTEROPHOBIA – Fear of pigeons.
  20. PILGARLIC – A bald head that looks like a peeled garlic.
  21. PREANTEPENULTIMATE – Fourth from last.
  22. RESISTENTIALISM – Seemingly spiteful behaviour manifested by inanimate objects.
  23. SUPPEDANEUM – A foot support for crucifix victims.

Rats To The Rescue!!

pouched ratThe common rat is hideous thing to behold. Two species make up what we call the true rat: the black rat Rattus rattus, and the wharf rat Rattus norvegicus. On the whole of the Earth, the only places where rats do not find a home are the forbiddingly cold Arctic and Antarctic regions, some miscellaneous islands where they haven’t gained a foothold, a wildlife preserve in New Zealand, and Alberta Canada where a concerted effort of riled Canadians will massacre rodents upon a hint that a rat may have infested the province.

Historically the rat has been labeled a pest and more-than-a-nuisance due to their capacity to carry diseases that can infect humans, and their propensity to reproduce like… well… uh… rodents. However, in this wonderfully modern time in which we live the rat is being put to task by their human overlords doing much more productive things. (Read More at Damn Interesting)

This Is Soooo Cool!!.. Do This!!!

Check It Out HERE… But Follow Instructions carefully!!

Glowing Mountain Dew

How To Do Some Serious Boat Moving-

Ships Are My Great Love… Since they don’t go uphill or over mountains or other obstacles very well… People have come up with some fantastic and ingenious ways to move them to places where they normally could not go… Keep in mind that most of these are not rowboats… These things are BIG!

See More (HERE)

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water…


More at Just Elite

Today’s Insults –

Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull? – unknown

She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. – Shakespeare

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. – Molly Ivins

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.- Groucho Marx

One Heck Of A Way To Get To School!!

The Next Time You want To Grouse About Your Having To Walk To School In Snow Up To Your Elbows…. Or your kids piss and moan about how early they have to get up to catch the school bus… Take a peep at this video.


If You Visit This Site Using Explorer for Windows…

I just today got a look at the site using Windows XP and Explorer and it looked like crap!!

This is what it should look like… note the calendar on the sidebar!.. Click the image to see full size.


I build the site using a Mac and Firefox… And I take pride in making it look presentable.

So if you see that the site looks crappy on your browser… Please drop me a line at:

I recommend using Firefox or Safari to view LCO … But I’ll make more of an effort to check how things look with Explorer.

Just in case you’d like to check out Firefox… You can get it (HERE)

Obama And Cheney Related… WTF?!?


OK… So Barack Obama is a blood relative of Dick Cheney. There… I’ve written it. And I didn’t puke onto my keyboard. Although I did have to throw a way a perfectly good McGriddle sandwich when I first contemplated commenting on it… When I first heard this… I thought… Those GOP’ers have gone one toke over the line… They must be high! … But it’s apparently true. I’ll bet Barack needs to toke on something right about now.

This throws a serious monkey wrench into my voting strategy… See… I convinced myself that the Democratic ticket will be Clinton/Obama… And I was good with that. This registered Independent had put the election to bed in his poor fevered mind.


Maybe not so much.

I like Hillary… More so because we kind of get Bill back when she’s elected than anything else… But she’s smart and capable on her own too. But I decided long ago that Obama lacks a bit in the experience department for the top job just yet… But with eight years as V.P. under his belt?.. Well … Yeah. And he was a great back up candidate as far as I was concerned … You know… Just in case the “vast right wing conspiracy” finds a way to sink Hillary… An Obama / Richardson ticket would have worked for me too.

But now… All kinds of crazy stuff flies through my mind about this poor guy. First and foremost… Pure D sympathy! It’s bad enough that he’s got to put up with dumb sh*t like people questioning whether he’s black enough… And that his middle name is Hussein. But related to Dick “Shotgun” Cheney?!? That may win him Iowa… But 99% of Dems are headed for the hills! Hillary has got to be looking real hard at Bill Richardson now. And anybody asking about Obama having a tail might get a pass on the racial tip after this.

You gotta feel sorry for Barack though… He just found out that in all likelihood… He’s related to Beelzebub himself… How do you explain to your wife that your cute little daughters might develop cloven hoofs at puberty? Poor Michelle! How is she supposed to handle the possibility that future family reunions could include the Lord of the Flies, Sauron, Baal, (Tlaloc), (Moloch), Lord Voldemort and Granpa Satan? What the hell do you put on that buffet table? Puppy fritters? Kitten tenders?.. She’s definitely gonna need this recipe for (baby soup) . (WARNING-!! THIS IS VERY VERY GROSS AND GRAPHIC!)


One night you go to bed and you’re seriously in the running to be the next POTUS… And you wake up to find that Ol’ Scratch Himself is most likely your great granddaddy… Beelzebub is your cousin and you might be the AntiChrist… Talk about a buzzkill… Unless Hussein is Arabic for Damien.

Talk About A Bad Day! Amazingly… He Lives!



Believe it or not the man in the intersection lived! He was saved by the imprint that the PT Cruiser left in the driver’s side of the Subaru. When the Subaru went over him it came down on him right where the dent in the car was made and did not crush him AMAZING !!! Watch it a few times and you can pick up the dent in the car.

How Many Animals Fit Into One Pair Of Panty Hose?


Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
Now, think about it..


10 little piggies


2 Calves


1 Ass


An Unknown Number of Hares


And 1… Well… You Know !!

We Just Might Survive Being Subjugated By China After All.

Some people might call me a waffle-er… And I still feel that we are at very high risk of falling under the thumb of certain nations because we’ve traded away our industrial capacity… But this sure deserves a look see.

I’m watching PBS about fast food taking over the world and the resultant explosion in heart disease and other illnesses related to eating the supersized overfatted deepfried glop that we’ve been eating for years.

We Americans are used to eating this crap… We’re fat bastards and proud of it… But… Studies have shown that the Chinese and other Asian nations are suffering already from eating stuff that we Americans consider staple foods.

In other words… They’re as vulnerable to the saturated fats and carbohydrates as badly as the Indians of the Americas were to the European diseases the English and Spanish brought over with them!

They can’ t handle trans fats and high carbs from a genetic standpoint!.. And they haven’t even reached anywhere near the saturation point for McDonald’s, KFC and Pizza Huts… Mickey D’s is opening a store a day in mainland China…. God help them… They don’t stand a chance.

I guess Rampant Capitalism will wind up killing us all in one way or another… Can you imagine half a billion people with diabetes, clogged arteries, sky high cholesterol and blood pressure all jonesing for a #5 supersized?.. This could happen within 20 years… I wonder if there’ll be a detectable earthquake when 250 million fat Chinese all fall over with massive coronaries?

Here’s an excerpt from another article:

Across the Far East, growing urbanization, rapid industrialization and increasing obesity associated with decreased physical activity is fueling an epidemic that has killed as many as Aids but has received a fraction of the attention.

The disease is diabetes, and its incidence is accelerating around the world. From 170 million affected in 2000, doctors predict the total will rise to 370 million by 2025, leading to an epidemic of amputations and blindness, the two commonest effects of the condition. Developing nations will be hardest hit; they bear 90 per cent of the burden but have only 10 per cent of the resources to deal with it.

Doctors do not know why Asians are more prone to the disease. One theory is that because of their slighter build, compared with Westerners, they have less muscle bulk and more fat, so do not need to gain much weight to put themselves at risk. Malnourishment in infancy or in the womb, which is known to increase the risk of diabetes, may also play a part. Seven out of 10 of the worst affected nations by the disease are in Asia. India already has a total of 31 million cases, the highest in the world, closely followed by China with 20 million. The Far East is expected to see the fastest growth by 2025, with a near doubling in the current total of 81 million cases to 156 million. (READ MORE)

Maybe if the Chinese threaten to withhold our cheap goods… Our corporate Masters will threaten to withhold the supply of high fructose corn syrup.


posted by TheFourEyes

This Cartoon Inspired The Rant That Follows…

toothpaste retaliation

The End Of The American Era… Or… Why Chinese Needs To Be Mandatory In All Of Our Schools.

I’ve been watching Ken Burn’s “War” series on PBS for a couple of weeks and a thought struck me like a thunderbolt.

We (the allies) won the Second World War largely due to this one unmistakable fact…

We out manufactured our opponents.

America used its enormous capacity to manufacture pleasure goods and necessities and all the things that made being an American so desirable.

TV’s and radios and razors and rubber ducks… Cars and cables and cans and tires. We had no trouble filling the shelves of Sears and Woolworth’s and Macy’s and every Five and Dime store on every corner of every town in this country and we still had enough capacity to export our surplus all over the world. Our manufacturing capacity was so strong that we barely had use for any of our own scrap material. We sold tons of it cheaply to the Japanese thinking how clever we were to be getting rid of the stuff. The Japanese wrote the checks for the stuff and eventually returned it to us by dropping it on our heads at Pearl Harbor.

This little incident served to stir up the carefree and hedonistic giant that was America enough to immediately begin turning it’s fantastical capacity to make or build any and everything that could be used to make life easier and / or more pleasurable… over to the capacity to damage, destroy, kill and generally make miserable the source of it’s irritation.

By the time America’s manufacturing machine got revved up… we were building ships, planes, guns, jeeps, trucks, bombs, radios, raincoats, shoes, and submarines faster than the enemy could destroy them. And not only were we making enough for ourselves… we supplied England and Russia as well. We made so much stuff that you could still find WWII surplus stuff well into the 1980’s.

That’s why we’re still the world leader… right? … We’re still king of the hill in the manufacturing capacity game and if anybody messes with us… we’ll turn on that vaunted manufacturing machine again and rain down destruction and woe upon our enemies… Right?

In a word …


We couldn’t manufacture our way to a decent surrender ceremony if we faced a threat of even a fraction of what we faced in WWII. If any country with a decent military and a real manufacturing capacity came after us… We’d be fighting our way out of an occupation with no guarantee that we’d get all of our territory back without a very, very concerted and time consuming effort.

Example: We’ve been at war in Iraq and Afghanistan for four years and our troops still don’t have sufficient gear to protect them nor carry the fight where it needs to go either in intensity or capacity. And even though Iraq and the Taliban were well armed… these are only bush league ( pun intended) countries that couldn’t have out fought the State of Connecticut in its WWII heyday. Our generals are already screaming that we’re at the breaking point and that it would be suicidal to go after Iran.

So… What would we do if we got into a disagreement with a nation or group of nations that could be considered 2nd world or better? Say… Brazil or North Korea or India or China or Russia or even Iran? Could we handle any one of these countries without resorting to the nuclear option? I don’t think so.

I suspect that if we didn’t resort to nukes… China or Russia could invade North America through Canada and take all of Canada west of the Mississippi and the American states of Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, North and South Dakota and Minnesota as well as a good bit of northern California before we could mount a decent defense.

But… I don’t think we’ll have to worry about a ground war here on American soil… Why? Because this nation is already subservient to the power of a communist nation.

Preposterous! You say… Wanna bet?… Go out and try to find a way to live your life without Chinese made goods You won’t get very far unless you are among the very rich. And to add insult to injury… They know it and don’t try to hide it.

Your car? Remember you used to grouse that all the parts were made in Mexico?.. Think again… Need a new cell phone? Even the iPhone is made in China.

If our government doesn’t kiss the feet of the Chinese rulers… Inside of a year… You will be walking shoeless through the aisles of a near empty Wal-Mart hoping that you can find a shirt from Honduras that wasn’t made on Chinese sewing machines. But you won’t walk far due to the effects of the various poisons you ingested over the past year in your seafood, medicines and toothpaste. Of course the fact that your pets died recently from food poisoning will tend to have a negative affect on your morale also.

Sure.. We’ll muddle by for a year or so on the stockpiles of stuff already here… But prices will skyrocket as supplies dwindle… And even if you manage to baby your cell phone through a couple of years… There’s no guarantee that the network it runs on will survive due to the fact that all of the switches that make up the network are either manufactured in whole or contain a significant number of parts made in China…. Ouch!

Our whiz bang weapon systems that companies like Raytheon and Boeing are cranking out?… how much you wanna bet that the chips that make them do everything including go bang are made in Asia? Most people can count 200 items in their house with made in China labels without breaking a sweat… I can count 50 items without moving from my desk. Now count how many of those items you can or care to live without?

Wanna talk about your car?.. I didn’t think so.

I’m banging away at this essay on a Mac that was designed in California but made in China… The Dell laptop was assembled in the USA though… out of mostly Chinese parts…. Bluetooth?.. USB?… Firewire?… Surge protector?… Full spectrum low energy compact florescent light bulb?… My fancy Logitech 5.1 surround sound speakers?!?… MY FRUIT OF THE LOOMS!!!!??? The ones with the comfort band and no itchy label?!?


Our corporate masters… driven by our greed for easy profits have sold the very strength of America right out from under our noses with nary a thought of the future consequences. The very rich will adapt quite readily to the expense of living without the cheap goods… They always have. But the average family will suffer mightily… To the point of death in many cases.

So… without firing a shot or risking one soldier’s life… The Communist People’s Republic of China has fulfilled Khrushchev’s promise that communism would bury capitalism.

In the name of the almighty dollar… Our children will live in a world where they are vassals to a stronger nation.

And here’s the irony… Even if we chose to put our nation back into a position where we could make our own stuff again… Guess where we’d have to buy the technology to do so from?


Posted by TheFourEyes


10 year lesbian


Thailand’s King Bhumibol Adulyadej’s Health Improving…

You may remember that I asked for your good thoughts and wishes for Thailand’s King HERE

LCO would like to thank you… Here is an update as of 10/16/07:

Windsor Genova – AHN News Writer
Bangkok, Thailand (AHN) – Royal doctors on Tuesday said the condition of Thailand’s King Bhumibol Adulyadej has improved.

According to Bangkok Post, the news relieved thousands of the king’s supporters, who have flocked to the Siriraj Hospital in Bangkok. The 79-year-old king was taken to the hospital on Saturday after feeling weak.

The royal doctors released a statement saying that reduced blood flow caused the right side of the king’s body to weaken. They said the right side has returned to its normal strength and the king is able to sit in a chair to eat meals.

The doctors said they have advised the king to make more body movements to strengthen his muscles, the Thai News Agency said.

The results of blood tests on the king are also satisfactory, according to his doctors.

Meanwhile, well-wishers at the hospital on Tuesday signed books that wish for the speedy recovery of the king, who is revered by Thais.

The Grumpy Old Bitches Offer A Take On Grown Kids At Home…

Why Women Eat Their Young:

There are five hung over people in my basement.

One is son.

Two are son’s friends.

Two are son’s friends’ girlfriends.

It’s okay to be hung over in my basement.

It is not okay to wake me up in the wee hours while you are striving for the hangover.

It is not okay to spill your beer on my sofa. No, not even if you’re that pity-inducing sort of girl whose eye-black looks more NFL than Avril Lavigne because you got a little weepy after you puked noisily in my bathroom and came out at three in the morning to be asked, “Who the hell are you and why are you puking in my bathroom?”


Quotes Regarding The Universe…

Douglas Adams: “There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Edward P. Tryon: “In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.”

Kilgore Trout: “The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.”

Douglas Adams: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson): “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

Albert Einstein: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

I Wonder… Was She Blonde?…

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully, she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute… listen to my side of it. This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up… So I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys in side and had to break a window to get my keys.”

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket… Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.” “When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people.

All the time, the darn phone was ringing off the hook.” He continued… “Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor… So I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing… When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and when I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

“And believe me mister, as God is my witness… all I did was tell her where to put it!”

Properly Pronounced English… Merican Style.

  • Bar: To take temporarily. “May I bar your eraser?”
  • Dense: A tooth expert. “Yuck!  I have a dense appointment today.”
  • Forced: A large cluster of trees. “Only you can prevent forced fires.”
  • Lays:  The opposite of genmen. “Lays and genmen,…”
  • Lining:  Electrical flash of light.  “We abandoned our picnic when we heard the thunder and saw the lining.”
  • Mere:  A reflecting glass. “Mere, mere on the wall…”
  • Mince:  Unit of time (60 sec.). “I’ll be back in a few mince.” 
  • Money:  Second day of the week. “I’ll be back next Money.
  • Neck Store: Adjacent “I’m in love with the girl neck store.”
  • Please: Officer(s) of the law.  “My house was robbed, call the please.” 
  • Sunny:  The first day of the week. “When Sunny comes, can Money be far behind?” 
  • Then:   A conjunction “I like Sunny better then Money.”
  • Winner: The cold season of the year “Many birds fly south for the winner.”

Alf’s got Some Cool Africa Pics…



It’s Funny Friday!!!

cereal bowl