- Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen
- Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. – Rodney Dangerfield
- There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. – Lynn Lavner
- Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. – George Burns
- My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. – Jack Nicholson
- See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. – Robin Williams
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- “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
- “The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty”
- “Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it’s fantastic.”
- “I’ve often said: the only thing standing between me and greatness… is me.”
- “I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
- “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
- “Life is like a concentration camp… you can’t leave without dying.”
- “I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
- “I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.”
- “Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.”
- “Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.”
- “Basically, my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”
- “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”