Los Cuatro Ojos

Introducing… The Shenis, Or, What Happens When Girls Pee Standing Up

After hearing about the Shenis, a 12-inch-long, hollowed-out penis that enables women to pee standing up, it was clear what these ladies needed to do: Order a few and engage in a pissing contest…. So they gathered on a rooftop in Brooklyn, where they chugged beer, wine and water and then assumed the male pee position.

Video HERE at Jezebel.com

HERE is info on the Shenis… An actual product…

INSTRUCTIONS AND WARNING FOR THE SHENIS

WARNING
Always use your shenis in a safe place. Any location you would normally go without getting arrested. Ladies, stay out Men’s rooms. Men get threatened when approached by a woman with a dick.

WARNING:
Never use in a country that has a problem with women’s rights. Like Afghanistan. Big clue, if you can’t show your face or your body, you shouldn’t show your shenis.

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS:

Put in place
Pee
Belch
Scratch
Shake
Shake
Shake
zip up

Rinse

“A TRAGIC RETIREMENT STORY”…

My name is Bill. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Bonnie… When I retired a few months ago, it became necessary for Bonnie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is out of the question… I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves… I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of her aging is complaining… For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much… I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean)… I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She has to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix her self a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for awhile… And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bonnie… I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a just a little more tact and a little less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile… After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Bill

EDITOR’S NOTE

Bill died suddenly on November 8, 2007 of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife, Bonnie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Bill somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his own golf club.

Malt Liquor Beers, and the People Who Drink Them, are Different

The only malt liquor I remember ever drinking was called Colt 45… Do they still make it?.. When I was a teenager and we got our hands on cheap booze… It was usually cheap fortified wine like Thunderbird or Wild Irish Rose… Today …I’m a confirmed Tequila Man… High end of course!!

According to one study:

Malt Liquor Beer (MLB) has a higher alcohol content by volume compared to other beers, are typically sold in larger containers, and are priced lower by volume. MLBs have also historically been targeted at lower-income, minority communities. A study in the March issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research has found that MLB drinkers are more likely to be homeless, unemployed, receive public assistance, and tend to drink more alcohol, more often, than other types of drinkers.

MLB drinkers reported significantly higher rates of daily or near daily drinking, drinks per day on drinking days, and daily average alcohol consumption; MLB drinkers were also more likely to smoke while drinking, drink with same-sex friends, and drink outdoors.

MLBs are largely targeted to African American and Hispanic youth, and young adults. “Malt liquor brands such as Steel Reserve, Hurricane, Magnum, and Panther are used by the alcohol industry to connote power and machismo and lure youth and young adults into the market. Rap artists have been popular images in malt liquor advertising and ‘gangsta’ rap performers portray malt liquor as a sign of masculinity.

“Malt Liquor Beers can be sold in containers as large as 40-ounce bottles, or ‘forties’ as they are referred to,” Forties’ are commonly sold chilled and wrapped in brown paper bags for immediate consumption, and independent web sites devoted to malt liquor as well as rap lyrics and movie scripts encourage ‘chugging’ the bottles before they get warm. The combined effects of higher alcohol content, larger serving size, and faster consumption can result in higher blood alcohol levels, an increased risk of aggressive behavior, and other alcohol-related problems.”are likely to be more attractive to lower-income drinkers. In addition, advertising and popular culture references to MLBs are more prevalent in media that is likely to be seen or used by African Americans. In short, south Los Angeles seemed to fit the profile we needed.”

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