- What’s the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
- Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
- Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
- What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium
- A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you” said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :”It’s just a phase you’re going through”.
- A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, “For you, No Charge!!!”
- If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!
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Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!”
The other says, “Are you sure??”
“Yes, I’m positive!”
- Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.
- According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it’s made up of alkynes of people.
And A Bonus For The Real Chemists Out There:
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.
This is a portable reader that thieves put over the slot on a real ATM machine… It reads your card on the way into the real slot. It was developed and tested in Russia… Look for it at an ATM near you soon.
This is a little camera placed in a brochure holder that is strategically placed so it can read your pin number and take a picture of your card also… This has already been spotted in the USA.
A soft toy designer has come up with a macabre new range of road kill teddies.
The first to be launched is Twitch the Raccoon which comes complete with its own body bag to keep the maggots out, reports Metro.
Twitch also has an identity tag revealing it was “run over over by a milk float last Thursday, near the Hangar Lane Giratory system in London”.
A zip on each side of the toy allows the owner to remove Twitch’s innards and stuff them back in again. A tyre print runs across its back.
Creators, Compost Communications, style themselves ‘toy terrorists’ and according to their website: “We squash and burn and bludgeon and maim. But we’re also toy fanatics like you. We love toys.”
Toy creator Adam Arber, 33, from London, said: “I got the idea from looking at my mother-in-law’s dog which is quite ugly and I thought it would make a great toy. A friend of mine had taken some pictures of road kill and the two things gelled into one idea.”
He said he thought the toys, which cost £25, would appeal to people with a sense of humour and “probably not anyone easily upset”.
Coming soon are other characters including Grind the rabbit, Splodge the hedgehog and Pop the weasel.
The toys go on sale this week at Play Lounge in Soho, London, and from mid-December on www.roadkilltoys.com.
The oldest surviving condom in the world has gone on display in an Austrian museum.
The reusable condom dates back to 1640 and is completely intact, as is its orginal users’ manual, written in Latin.
The manual suggests that users immerse the condom in warm milk prior to its use to avoid diseases.
The antique, found in Lund in Sweden, is made of pig intestine and is one of 250 ancient objects related to sex on display at the Tirolean County Museum in Austria this summer.
Job applicants who are attractive get better job packages offered than average looking interviewees, British researchers found.
Study authors Carl Senior and Michael J.R. Butler of Aston University in Birmingham found that female interviewers were found to allocate attractive looking male interviewees more high status job packages than average looking men.
Average looking men also received lower status job packages than average looking women. Male interviewers did not differ in the number of high or low status job packages that were given to attractive looking interviewees of either sex, though the male interviewers gave out more low status job packages overall, irrespective of the sex of the interviewee, the researchers found.
“When someone is viewed as attractive, they are often assumed to have a number of positive social traits and greater intelligence,” the researchers said in a statement. “This is known as the ‘halo effect’ and it has previously been shown to affect the outcome of job interviews.”
The findings are published in the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences.
From NewsDaily.com
Jokes | TheFourEyes December 11, 2007 | 
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