Information, Jokes, Just Plain Silly | TheFourEyes December 14, 2007 | 
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16 Things You Shouldn’t Fear (And 16 Things You Should)
Via: HuffingtonPost
What You Shouldn’t Fear:
1. Ditching a secure cubicle for lower pay and an uncertain future in the job where your heart truly lies.
2. Changing your hair, your church, or your opinion.
3. Sweating, outside the bedroom.
4. Traveling to a place where your cell phone is useless.
5. Actually having what you say you want.
6. Leaving the lights on and the curtains open.
7. Your gut reactions.
8. Five pounds.
9. Mixing gold with silver, red with orange, and champagne with plastic glasses.
10. Confessing that you’re a Buddhist, a nudist, or even a conservative Republican.
11. Eating the food on the plane — they’ve solved that fear by not serving it anymore
12. Calling first.
13. Being too shy to talk at a party. If you just listen, everyone will think you’re the most brilliant person there!
14. Going into the sex toy shop. If Sue on Letterman can do it, so can you. And if you can’t, shop online!
15. Tough competition.
16. Carbs, fat and dessert.
What You Should Fear:
1. Letting somebody videotape you having sex.
2. Drinking at lunch.
3. The sentence: We have to talk.
4. Microsoft, Google, and that creepy little hotdog stand down near the subway tracks.
5. Spending more than you earn.
6. Gum disease.
7. Still not knowing whether you want to have kids when you’re edging up on 40.
8. Bears, ticks, and snakes with red and yellow stripes that touch.
9. Okay, let’s just include all snakes in this category.
10. Any doctor who responds to your questions by telling you that you don’t need to know the answer.
11. Any dentist who tells you that you don’t need anything for the pain.
12. Any dog with his ears pricked up, his body pointing forward, and his teeth all too visible.
13. Costume parties.
14. Not having a choice when you’re unexpectedly pregnant.
15. Hydrogenated fats.
16. Being afraid.
Top 8 Morons Of 2007 (So Far)
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.”
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, during which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kiwi Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition: The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
They still had the trailer attached to the bottom of the boat.
