Next Time Your Wife Asks…”Does This Make Me Look Fat?”… Look Her Straight In The Eye… Smile… And Show Her This Picture…

fat wife

A Great Take On Xmas!! WARNING!! Filthy & Profane!!! NOT SAFE FOR WORK…


And Here’s Another Since YouTube Saw Fit To Pull Down The First One

Solomon As O-Oka… Each To His Own…


Arresting the Stone Buddha

A merchant bearing fifty rolls of cotton goods on his shoulders stopped to rest from the heat of the day beneath a shelter where a large stone Buddha was standing. There he fell asleep, and when he awoke his goods had disappeared. He immediately reported the matter to the police.

A judge named O-oka opened court to investigate. “That stone Buddha must have stolen the goods,” concluded the judge. “He is supposed to care for the welfare of the people, but he has failed to perform his holy duty. Arrest him.”

The police arrested the stone Buddha and carried it into the court. A noisy crowd followed the statue, curious to learn what kind of sentence the judge was about to impose.

When O-oka appeared on the bench he rebuked the boisterous audience. “What right have you people to appear before the court laughing and joking in this manner? You are in contempt of court and subject to a fine and imprisonment.”

The people hastened to apologize. “I shall have to impose a fine on you,” said the judge, “but I will remit it provided each one of you brings one roll of cotton goods to the court within three days. Anyone failing to do this will be arrested.”

One of the rolls of cloth which the people brought was quickly recognized by the merchant as his own, and thus the thief was easily discovered. The merchant recovered his goods, and the cotton rolls were returned to the people.

Praise The Lord!! Jeremiah Weed Has Re-Entered My Life!!

Years ago… I used to drink a bourbon based liqueur called Jeremiah Weed… It tastes like a cross between Drambuie, Southern Comfort and Old Grand Dad… It is also 100 proof. Well… I lost track of the stuff for years. But yesterday, while I was doing my holiday booze buying… There it was! Different bottle… Same taste! Naturally… I bought two.

Jeremiah Weednew bottle jeremiah oldold bottle

Now… There’s a legend out there that fighter pilots swear by this stuff… Here’s a story by a guy who claims to have started the trend with the Air Force… There’s even a song dedicated to it by a group called Dos Gringos.

But I know the “Weed” from the days when I hung out with old time submariners… Back then… the stuff came in an all brown bottle. I knew bartenders that said that the stuff was from the old western days. It was said that it was made from the dregs of the bourbon barrels… But I happen to believe an even older story that the stuff was named after a patriot from Connecticut who died in the 1800′s… Here’s another testimonial to the virtue of this fine beverage/

Whatever! Welcome home old friend! Throw away your SoCo and your Irish Mist and your Yukon Jack!… Get yourself a short glass and some ice and try some Weed… Jeremiah Weed that is!

Here’s a recipe for the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster that is much better if the Jeremiah Weed variant is used:

This makes one approximately 18 ounce (0,5 l) Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The reason this drink seems so large is that Zaphod Beeblebrox has two heads, so when he created it, it came out to 9 ounces (2,5 dl) per head, so both were happy.

Before drinking, eat one olive to create a sweetness in it which is not there. Drink extremely carefully at your own risk, and remember where your towel is (if you can).

This one is a bit more sedate and less likely to get you arrested.

F*cked Up Shark

1 1/2 oz Jeremiah Weed® bourbon whiskey
1 1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 1/2 oz triple sec
1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
12 oz can tonic water

Pour the Jeremiah Weed whiskey into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Add the blue curacao, triple sec and Southern Comfort peach liqueur and add a can of tonic water. Shake vigorously, despite the building pressure. Shake until much of the carbonation from the tonic water subsides and creates a petillent, clear teal beverage. Pour over a minimal amount of ice in a collins glass, and serve.